Published November 2, 2012
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141,304 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
A very dark poem, one might say. As a naive writer myself, I'm not really qualified to tell you how to write this. I think it's amazing, but there is one thing I would change.
Your line "Their angry shouts silence my cries", I would reword it and change it into "Their shouts fueled by anger muffle my cries". When I say it outloud, it enhances the overall flow of the line. I love this, keep working at it and you'll have a remarkable, moving peice
It seems t show a double desire, why complain that your pain isn't our seen while you're hiding it away in a box? I can see the poem is personal and something fragile, but if you truly wish to improve I would take both my and nomadpenguin's advice and add some more imagery and clarify what you really want without being contradictory.
This poem seemed a little too straight forward for a poem. The only image I can identify is the black box. You should develop more images in the poem.
The line "I'll hide my pain in my little black box, locked away from human eyes" seems a little too long. It would flow much better if you changed it to "I'll lock my pain in my little black box, away from human eyes".