Hey,
Just want to say straight up that my review is not to hurt your feelings in any way.
I think you need to pick either the 2nd to last sentence or the last sentence for the poem. They are saying the same thing. Also, "I couldn't hear my mouth" doesn't make too much sense. But that's just me, I'm not that great at poetry. I also want to say that the first sentence needs to be more clear or broken into two lines. I had to read it a couple times to really understand it.
I love poetry and I think with a few minor revisions you could turn this into a great poem
Happy Easter,
--Kimmy
Points: 424
Reviews: 7
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