I asked time about you but time told me everything I already knew.
No new chapters, no new pages, just empty bird cages.
What if it doesn’t make sense?
What if they just make it a mess?
In my ears, my heart is so loud; I can’t hear my mouth.
In my ears, my heart was beating so loud; I couldn’t hear my mouth.
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140,477 Literary Works • 673,243 Reviews
Hey,
Just want to say straight up that my review is not to hurt your feelings in any way.
I think you need to pick either the 2nd to last sentence or the last sentence for the poem. They are saying the same thing. Also, "I couldn't hear my mouth" doesn't make too much sense. But that's just me, I'm not that great at poetry. I also want to say that the first sentence needs to be more clear or broken into two lines. I had to read it a couple times to really understand it.
I love poetry and I think with a few minor revisions you could turn this into a great poem
Happy Easter,
--Kimmy
As I trynto master at poetry i re read this and thinknit is great! Keep it up and sorry about before
Hey,
Just want to say straight up that my review is not to hurt your feelings in any way.
I think you need to pick either the 2nd to last sentence or the last sentence for the poem. They are saying the same thing. Also, "I couldn't hear my mouth" doesn't make too much sense. But that's just me, I'm not that great at poetry. I also want to say that the first sentence needs to be more clear or broken into two lines. I had to read it a couple times to really understand it.
I love poetry and I think with a few minor revisions you could turn this into a great poem
Happy Easter,
--Kimmy
Hello! Just Jaylin here leaving a quick review of your piece. First, I would like to say that the first two lines were fantastic and drew me in from the start. The second line is by far my favorite of the poem. Now lets get into the errors and things I believe could be executed better. Now it is fairly early where I live so I may be just not fully conscious but the questions don't seem to relate to the poem. The final two sentences seem to not correlate also. Maybe it is just the wording of it but for me I got lost after the first two lines. The poem has a lot of potential however so don't give up on it just edit it a little and you will be fine. I hope I helped somewhat!
Hey Jaylin! I really appreciate your feedback. I agree with your critiques and will revise the poem soon. Thank you for writing the review!
Hello! Just Jaylin here leaving a quick review of your piece. First, I would like to say that the first two lines were fantastic and drew me in from the start. The second line is by far my favorite of the poem. Now lets get into the errors and things I believe could be executed better. Now it is fairly early where I live so I may be just not fully conscious but the questions don't seem to relate to the poem. The final two sentences seem to not correlate also. Maybe it is just the wording of it but for me I got lost after the first two lines. The poem has a lot of potential however so don't give up on it just edit it a little and you will be fine. I hope I helped somewhat!