Once upon a time in a place of fairytales and myths lived a cold-hearted prince,
He was ridiculously handsome,
It was hard to ignore,
He was a master of the arts,
The creator of all,
He lived in a palace filled with gold,
He was only 17 years old,
He had diamonds around his neck,
That shone bright in the morning sky,
Even birds got blinded every time he was in sight.
He pranced and danced all day long,
A heart of stone he didn’t care if you were gone,
Mischievous he was like the joker in the act,
A lack of words like a silent cat,
He had no sense of humour like a broken tune,
He was a total goon!
People fell short every time he was around,
He had no choice but to back down.
In the end he was shot dead because of his mindset.
Selfish he was like he had no positive direction,
All that’s left of him is broken pieces,
In a land of fairy tales and myths,
He would forever be the cold-hearted prince.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
I loved this, mate!
Thanks mate
I love this!
It's really clever and I love how you use the metaphors.
It was also very humorous like you took a serious approach and made it funny.
I really like this, keep up the great writing!
Thanks!
Hello,
I love how you so nochalantly say , "In the end he was shot dead."
I don't know if that was how I was supposed to read it or not, but it was just kinda humorous how I read it.
Great job by the way. I do, however, have a thing about some lines rhyming while others don't, and you did do that a little in this. That ebing said, it is also done in a lot of professional poetry writer's works so I can't say that what you did is wrong. But, even with that little nitpick, I really liked this.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks!
I really liked. It had me at the edge of my seat. It felt like I was reading one of my sisters stories. It reminded me of her. I am glad i read it. It was really good. Keep it up.
Thanks!
Hello!
I have only a couple nitpicks...
Welcome to YWS, I hope you enjoy it here!
First of all, I must say I like the idea of your poem. It can be 'taken' many different ways, depending on what the reader's actual life situation is. I like that.
I think this sentence is a bit jumbled up - maybe you could change the order of the words. "He was selfish, and had no positive direction," or something like that.
Since this is kind of repeating the last two lines, I think you should change it to 2 lines, just to keep the pattern in the end.
"Once upon a time in a place of fairytales and myths,
there lived a cruel, cold-hearted prince, "
Or something like that.
I really like the way the last two lines flow. It rolls nicely off my tongue.
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome!
Thanks for the feedback
Hi Felistia here with a review.
I really like this poem and the concept. I do wish there was some more colour, but that is just my opinion. It flows very well and the words you use are interesting. I can see the story unfold in a smooth, consistent manner as I read the poem. There are no boring parts and you jump right in at the beginning and grab the readers attention.
Excellent work and I hope to see more of your work.
Thankyou so much for your feedback it means a lot!
It is a pleasure, I am pretty new around here to, so welcome.
Hi I'm new here!
I love writing narrative poetry and of course my obsession is writing!
And yeah that's pretty much it!