You beat me and abuse me,
but I won't hit you back,
it stings and it bleeds,
but I love the whips crack.
It always assumed,
that all love is pure,
all's fair in love and war,
justice assured.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Generally I would agree that changing the word is necessary, but in this case it fits. The word you chose fits the language of the culture and using a different one just for the sake of not repeating one word would probably take away from the poem.
wow. i enjoyed this. it was short and sweet, but every word held new meaning. well, it was a bit repetitive, but only to get the point across, so i can fully applaud you. i loved the use of the phrase "all's fair in love and war." also, the "you beat me and you beat me" is a bit annoying - how about you replace one of the "beat"s with a symonym for abuse.
This poem was revised and completely rewritten,
with new words and everything. But the message is still the same.
It definitly the most unique love poem i've ever written.