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What Squirrels Taught Me About Bravery

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What Squirrels Taught Me About Bravery 

(ARVIN, a young socially awkward teenage boy, enters with CASSIE, a cute and determined looking young lady about the same age following close behind. They are stagehands for their local high school play.ARVIN and CASSIE are both dressed in all black, wearing headset microphones. A brief pause while he looks over her shoulder.)

ARVIN: (whispering) Because I’ve got less of a spine than a jellyfish.

CASSIE: I thought you were avoiding clichés for National ‘Be Original’ Week.

 ARVIN: Fine. Less of a spine than my grandmothers Jell-O, that’s why.

CASSIE: Then say that; just tell her you’ve got a thing-

ARVIN: We’re halfway through intermission, I’ll do it when the shows over. She’s out there in the audience-

CASSIE: Which seat?

ARVIN: 23B, but don’t tell anyone I know that. (CASSIE raises an eyebrow) I’ll tell her after the show.

CASSIE: You’re always too busy. God, I think the only reason you’re not too busy for me is that we practically live together doing all this work backstage.

ARVIN: At least our microphones are working tonight; it’s still weird hearing my voice in the theater.

CASSIE: That’s not the point.

ARVIN:  I’m not telling her.

CASSIE: Then I’ll tell her.

ARVIN: If you tell her-

CASSIE: What’ll you do, throw Jell-O at me? [annoyed but half-amused huff] I’m scared now.

ARVIN: It’ll ruin your shirt.

CASSIE: You know, if you didn’t like her….sometimes I wonder about you-

ARVIN: Wonder what?

CASSIE: What the secret ingredient is in the Krabby Patty formula. What do you think I’m talking about?

ARVIN: I do like her though.

CASSIE: Like who?

ARVIN: Lydia, god, you know who I’m talking about.

CASSIE: Say her name.

ARVIN: You’re really messed up sometimes, you know that?

CASSIE: Say it.

ARVIN: Lydia Parker. Screw it, I like Lydia Parker and I don’t have a snowball’s chance in-

CASSIE: Cliché.

ARVIN: Crap, right, I forgot.  I don’t have a squirrel’s chance on a freeway of going out with her.

CASSIE: Poor squirrel.

ARVIN: He was too young to die.

CASSIE: Maybe if the squirrel had hitched a ride in Lydia’s Jeep, it wouldn’t have gotten run over.

ARVIN: Shut it.

CASSIE: Don’t act like you don’t think it’s hot she’s into Jeeps and stuff like that. She modeled, you know.

ARVIN: (shouting) Cassie, stop it!

CASSIE: (hushing him) Keep your voice down!

ARVIN: (whispering now) Why? Wait, Cassie, your light is on.

ARVIN: What?

ARVIN: Your microphone was on the whole time.

CASSIE: (grinning) So was yours. 

Comments & reviews · 10
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User avatar
PebbleToad
Review

This was an awesome little sketch, especially with the 'cliche' running joke. I like how you left it open for interpretation, letting readers ask themselves questions and form opinions about the outcome. I personally think that Arvin has better chance with Cassie than Lydia, but everyone can have their own opinion, which is the genius part.
One tiny nitpick though. I think the story would be enriched if we knew a little bit more about Lydia, and why Arvin likes her. The Jeep part was funny, and you do an excellent job of having the characters act like regular (if quirky) humans, even when something funny happens. Overall, Awesome job! :D

User avatar
ongoeslife
Review

Hello! Your piece has earned a review from me; congratulations!!

So, I saw the title and went "SQUIRRELS!!!! <3" 'Cause I love squirrels... >.> That's what got me to read the piece. Great job on having a title that draws people!

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, so 100% on mechanics!

I loved the plot, but I would definitely be interested in reading scene two in which Lydia confronts Arvin!

Wonderful job. =)

~Ongoeslife

User avatar
Sylar
Comment

I thought this piece was very sweet and witty. It was a bit short, though, I'd like to learn a bit more about these characters!

Random avatar
danny1346 Comment

I really love the format and the consistency of using action words like grinning and shouting. Good Job!

User avatar
HaleyPenguin
Comment

This is very well done. You wrote this very well. And I absolutely love the title. Talk about catching the readers attention. :) Keep it up!

You certainly have a knack for the writing of skits. Here, I did a thing for you.
Good:
Wonderfully doable for young actors, regarding age, subject matter, props and setting. So pretty much everything. Have you done this skit before? Cuz I would love to hear how it went or when you did it.
Perfect length. Not too short, but not too long.
Excellent title. It was eye-catching and unexpected.
Good job with the cliche motif. Repetition is funny and you nailed it.
I liked the established relationship between the two characters. It was super cute.
Other things:
Who's Clara?
Somehow establishing their positions as stage crew more concretely would help the audience because without seeing the state directions it may be difficult to understand at first.

Great job, though! If you haven't already performed this, you should.

Sorry, Cassie was Clara's original name, and I didn't change it there. And thanks so much!

Nice formatting! Thank you it's so hard to find that on places like this! I love the idea of them being backstage....actors or run crew either way I'm a stage manager and I find very few scripts successfully show what really goes on behind the scenes. Now for constructive critiques....
1. Are they backstage crew members I thought that at first thinking that they were talking into headsets and then at the end when it says your mike was on....that causes me to think that they are actors. You might want to specify this earlier in the script.
2. Clara or Cassie towards the end?
3. The dialogue really worked for your purpose and I could totally see something like this happening backstage. Hmmm don't really know what to say for the third critique other than great work! I think you should expand it maybe make a show about theatre that would be neat haven't seen one of those before!

User avatar
beastly361
Review

This was funny, even the title. It had caught my attention while I was mindlessy scrolling through the scprits. I was taken back, asking myself about how squirrels teach any living thing about bravery...? But nothing in here mentioned squirrels (if it did, than I didnt notice...) But anyhoo... Keep up the funny and random work! It works!

You must not have read too closely:

ARVIN: Crap, right, I forgot. I don%u2019t have a squirrel%u2019s chance on a freeway of going out with her.

CASSIE: Poor squirrel.

ARVIN: He was too young to die.

CASSIE: Maybe if the squirrel had hitched a ride in Lydia%u2019s Jeep, it wouldn%u2019t have gotten run over.

ARVIN: Shut it.

User avatar
ChimeraMania
Review

Omg totas funny.

I agree with VassternickDrauka, where are they. It seemed like they were on stage, but then it also kind of seemed like they were backstage. Now that I have gotten to the end I understand that they were backstage during intermission.

One thing I didn't notice that she did was what he called her. I guess I was so into it that I didn't really see it. When I'm really into something that i'm reading I tend to miss stuff. Which means I really like this.

You know I'd believe it would be a good book is you were to turn it into one. You'd have my vote if you do.

I edited the name out.

Oh, that was funny... I do enjoy a good wingman.

There was a good progression in the story. I liked the escalation throughout. I do have a few questions, though:

1) Are these guys backstage hands or actors or what? What precisely are they doing? I don't know if the story would be clearer for me if I knew, but it seems a little fuzzy.

2) Who the heck is Clara? I thought the girl's name was Cassie... That confused me.

3) The whole "National Be Original Week" was funny (REALLY funny), and it made for some wonderful running gags, but there were some times when the comparisons you used were a little muddy. In my experience, comparisons work best when they are pithy and snappy. Sometimes, as I read your comparisons, my mental tongue got tied in a knot, which stole some of the enjoyment. So I applaud (EXTREMELY) your ability to come up with hilarious comparisons, but something to remember would be to make sure it is still easy to roll off the tongue and easy to remember.

Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this. Words cannot describe (although I just tried) how much I enjoyed the two or three lines dealing specifically with the squirrel line. "He was too young to die..." Oh, it was lovely. Kudos, my friend.

My apologies for the Clara/Cassie confusion, in the original version she was Clara, the name changed later and I forgot to change that line. Thanks for pointing it out!



I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
— Vogon Captain (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)