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The Quiet Storm

by ThatOneGuy2002


A Quiet Storm

When miles into the sky

or miles down below

beckons a longing deep inside

of mysteries unknown

How the rain in heavy thunders

provides a still and subtle shelter

how in a raging wind

there is a calmness in which i cannot falter

In ways I still don't understand

that crisp, cold morning breeze

on which alone one could thrive

with the rustling of trees

It is the source of inner silence

which purifies the collecting thoughts

that clutter my mind like wild geese

forever in search of greener spots

It is water to the soul

cooling and crystal clear

as refreshing as a breath subdued

and the champion over fear.


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31 Reviews


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Mon Oct 29, 2018 3:46 am
SnowMonkey says...



This is such a cool poem. :) The rhythm and rhyming reads so smoothly--thumbs up.






Thanks for le review %uD83D%uDC4D



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Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:22 am
TheWeirdoFromBeyond wrote a review...



Image

This is Weirdo, here with a review for review day. The usual stuff-

Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your work. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. You also might want to completely ignore this, after all, it's just the opinion of a random person in the middle of somewhere. Sorry if I miss read something or misunderstood something and pointed it in the review. I didn't have the time to go through the previous reviews, so sorry if I repeat something already said.
That being said, let's get into this review.

I really like the poem's flow and word usage. I also like the theme the poem is set in. Good job.

When miles into the sky

or miles down below


I'm not sure if the repetition here was intended, but I think to replace one of these would be better. Again, only my opinion.

It is water to the soul

cooling and crystal clear

as refreshing as a breath subdued

and the champion over fear.


This was the only part in the whole poem which had a rhyme, and it kind of disturbed the flow for me, I don't know if this was for others, too.

Overall, I really liked the poem and also, a late welcome to YWS :D






First off, thanks for the review, and for the welcome! I might look into that correction for a random repitition, thanks for spotting it. However, i must say that i am quite unsure of your statement of that the last paragraph holds the only rhyming layout. In every set of four, the second line rhymes with the fourth. I just payed more attention to the sounds of the ends of words rather than the spelling. For instance, "shelter" and "falter", "breeze" and "trees", "thoughts" and "spots". Sorry if i didnt make it clear for you.



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Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:28 am
PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hi, OneGuy! Here for a Review Day review (somehow I'm on a roll here. Perhaps it's because I haven't reviewed in a while, and the saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder" ;))

I was mouthing the words to myself here and was enjoying the rhythm that went on. And the theme, too. How something natural like a storm can keep you true peace. We humans are of nature after all, and we find solace in it, I believe. There's also a touch of rhyme here, like *almost* rhyme, and I don't mind too much. My favorite poet Emily Dickinson had iambic rhythm and her rhyme wasn't perfectly strict. I think the not-exactness bestows personality in the poem.

that crisp, cold morning breeze

on which alone one could thrive


I just wanted to comment here on something random :o Once someone I know in real life and I were talking about the essayist and children's book author E. B. White. She told me that, in an essay of White's, he mentioned how much he liked to carry around Thoreau's book Walden. Once White included a quote about how Thoreau loved the morning air. I could be slightly wrong though, because my memory is pretty faulty. Just some tidbit. :P

how in a raging wind

there is a calmness in which i cannot falter

In ways i still dont understand

that crisp, cold morning breeze



I would suggest to go through a bit and proofread. There's a few i's that need capitalizing and a dont that needs an apostrophe here. Also I'd suggest to break up the poem in stanzas, say four lines each, because I see a new idea start every four lines. I also felt as though the lines here fell apart a bit when it came to rhythm and flow. Try reading them aloud to see if you need to tweak them. :)

I don't have much to critique, so I shall praise instead! The fact that "the raging wind" is also a bit calm is interesting. I'm glad you explored that idea through similes. I like the similes actually, especially the one about the thoughts. It really gives a great impression of a flock of birds. Also, "the champion over fear" makes the poem sound that while the storm gives the speaker some space to meditate, it also helps the speaker brace and push away their fears.

I think I'm done zigzagging in my thoughts. Hope this helped, and let me know if I need to clear anything up! :)

-Ink






Alright, thanks. So, i couldnt fild out a way to space them, even after some attempts, due to me being a nubular noob, however I did make other corrections. Thanks for the review, see ya around. :3



PrincessInk says...


Here's an article that might help with the formatting (I know, formatting poetry in YWS is haaaard): How to Format Poetry



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18 Reviews


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Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:24 pm
Chinku says...



Hi, it's ajit,
it was beautiful or simply nice. the word placements to express the thought that you had is amazing. the intense of the poem is quite pain full which made me numb. Keep writing good things and all the best.
thanks.




User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 91
Reviews: 18

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Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:22 pm
Chinku says...



Hi, it's ajit,
it was beautiful or simply nice. the word placements to express the thought that you had is amazing. the intense of the poem is quite pain full which made me numb. Keep writing good things and all the best.
thanks.






Thanks, ill definitely be writing more.




Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman