Young Writers Society

hello there

first of all i want to say this piece is just AMAZING!
i loved the idea of this poem it's very unique and i kind of find it touchy, because of the feeling of finding yourself and facing the bad things in life and in YOU.


"I look into those eyes, ones I forgot were just windows."

i loved how you used the saying " eyes are windows to the soul", it captured the feelling in a good way.


my fav line is "One by one I let them out, parts of me I will not miss." i totally loved it, it is quite catchy and describes how you have your''bad'' things that you want to get rid of.

this part
"A stronger voice within me, one I thought was gone.

Reminds me that good things can come, from those who correct their wrongs."

this one confused me at first, i thought it's a bad voice or an evil one but then i got it.
it's the good angelic voice that gives you hope even after doing bad stuff and make you realise you still have a chance.

i'm sorry if this didn't help or seem as a review ..it's because i loved your poem that i didn't find any flaws.

i wish you write more ...keep it up

Heya, this is ElvenJedi, here to review your work!

First off, this poem is amazing! I could literally feel the hope emanating from the words as the mood changed throughout the piece. Incredible! Anyway, onto some critique!

I noticed every single line ends with a period, besides one question mark and then one comma at the end. I recommend you read through this and try to change things up a bit and fix some grammar mistakes- the first line, for example, should end in a comma, not a period.

I also noticed that you had a really nice simple rhyme scheme going in the first stanza, but it got interrupted in the second stanza when you rhymed "give up" with "get up", which since the emphasis is on "up," it's really just rhyming two of the same words with each other. I definitely recommend you change the wording there! Also, while we're talking about rhyme schemes, the last stanza abandons the previews A-A-B-B rhyme scheme, but I think it sort of fits, it gives it some emphasis and strength, makes it sound more conclusive.

And lastly, the rhythm in a few stanzas is super consistent and nice, but it will be interrupted by a line that is unnecessarily long. Just a suggestion, but maybe get rid of a few words in the longer sentences to even up the syllable count?

Aside from that, this poem was very powerful, and you totally succeeded in changing the mood gradually but surely. Great job! I hope you find this review helpful, and I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!