The second mind can think both ways,
through the difficult nights and days,
cutting down the burning sun rays,
so your body can sit where it lays.
The first mind produces energy called chi,
I can always feel it flowing through me,
energy not even the naked eye can see,
my own little power keeps me happy.
My second mind is a substitute for the third eye,
it answer my questions about when I will live and die,
it is real and not a lie,
it will not let me talk about it nor deny,
if I shall say a word my first mind will say goodbye.
I've always thought about making them both think together,
it might be a bigger burden then ever,
both of them are very smart and clever,
wrong thoughts might bring bad memories forever.
I think the first mind can over power the second one,
you we're born with the first the second weighs a ton,
there is no battle that I have won,
but I will tell it when I've started and had fun.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Hello I'm Hydey.
I liked the word choice in this. When reading your lyrics, it seemed as if it was more of a poem than a song. For a poem, it was excellent! For a song, it did not have that "umph" to it. I would suggest you add a chorus and maybe a bridge at the end.
Keep writing Thane!
I don't really know how to review lyrics, but I'll give it my best go. I though this was a rather good song, talking about chi and all the bodily function thingo's. I would have to say though, that you might want to lengthen it a bit. I mean I could see a chorus, this is lyrics right...don't songs need choruses.