Published July 4, 2008
10:00 p.m.
New Jersey
The astrologer stared in utter silence, eyes wide and erratic in motion. His hands slipped as they
found the camera button. He shifted the telescope to follow the phenomena occurring before his
eyes. The meteor spiraled down towards the earth. The astrologer watched in fascination as pieces
began to part from the main mass. It had entered the earth’s atmosphere. The astrologer licked his
lips and shifted his position on the stool.
Oddly, the meteorite wasn’t loosing as much matter as was expected. It flew down,
spiraling towards the earth. The astrologer shifted his telescope/camera to track its downward flight. It
shone brilliantly now, as it began to burn up from the earth’s atmosphere and its speed. It was
nearing the final phase of its journey: the landing. The astrologer turned his attention from the
telescope to a pair of binoculars sitting on the table next to him. He snatched them up and put them
to his eyes. He readjusted the magnification and followed the meteor’s final few miles before earth.
There was a small tremor when it landed. The astrologer leapt up from his stool and
rushed out of the room, his coat already on. He rushed down the many steps of his astrology tower
and slipped past his children’s bedrooms. Soft breathing noises could be heard throughout the
hallway. Despite the urgency of the situation, the astrologer halted to listen to their breathing. It was
a calming thought, to know they were safe. He ran down the steps and out the screen door.
His car was waiting. He slid into the driver’s seat and put his key in the ignition. The
machine roared to life and began to cough. He rubbed his hands together. The friction and
adrenaline would be enough to keep him warm for tonight. He set off down the country road, not
heeding the obscure speed limit signs hidden by the shadows the trees cast over the streets. He
passed by several fields, cornstalks rustling in the wind. The chilly night air found its way through the
small holes in his jacket, the wider spaces in between stitches. His hot, moist breath fogged the
windshield in front of him. He turned a sharp left and found himself trundling along beside a farmer’s
corn fields. Flames flickered on and off throughout it, and from what the astrologer could see, there
was a massive crater in the center. He had found his meteor…at last.
“Bingo,” he breathed.
11:00p.m.
The astrologer nearly threw himself from his car in excitement. He grinned maniacally and
forced himself to walk slowly towards the crater. He could see lights were on in the farmer’s house,
miles away. Twice fire licked at the soles of his shoes, while the unsettled dirt and dust swirled around
his feet. The inside of the crater was cracked and dry. The astrologer drew from his pocket a
flashlight. From where he was standing, the crater looked an awful lot like a black pit. He aimed it
down into the crater. All he could see was dark rock, shattered and leading down to the crater’s
center. His flashlight paused. Its light revealed a human arm. With a shout, he stumbled backwards,
dropping his flashlight. There was a rustling sound from below.
There was a shifting of rock and dirt as the thing began to rise from the crater. The
astrologer sat on the ground, paralyzed with fear. His hands shook, barely able to contain the
adrenaline his endocrine system had released into his body. The first hand reached over the crater’s
edge, dirt and rock crumbling beneath its palms. Another hand followed, and soon the being heaved
itself over the crater’s edge. It stood tall in the night, its features human, yet its body was completely
destroyed. It was a wonder it had the strength to stand. It towered over the astrologer, who was too
busy whimpering to notice the being’s wings. He still sat immobile on the upturned earth, staring as
the creature’s body regenerated lost flesh.
From his fall into our atmosphere, the astrologer reasoned.
It had regenerated enough flesh and bone to resemble a young man, raven-haired and
fair. Light seemed to shine from his skin in the moonlight. He finally noticed the stricken astrologer
lying in the dirt at his feet. His wings snapped open, nearly blinding the poor man before him. Each
feather seemed to glow. The angel turned and beat down with its wings, lifting itself into the sky.
The astrologer lay in the dust, tired, cold and dreadfully confused. He heard a car door
slam and someone’s footsteps echoing across the now silent crater.
“Dammit. He already landed.”
There was a click and the dazed astrologer’s eyes refocused, and there was a loud bang as
a bullet breached his cranium.
7 days later
5:00 p.m.
New York City
Gabriel snapped his eyes open.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Where did this thing fall, exactly? How close to his home was it, for him to be sensing the tremor? Does the fact it's so close excite him?
You use 'rushed' twice. I might trade one for another word.
There is a human-like thing regenerating before is very eyes. How does our astrologer feel about this?
^_^ This is my first review in a long time. So I will try and be helpful.
The idea behind this is very interesting, though what I really liked was the twist at the end. It makes me wonder what's going to happen.
I think you did a lot of telling in the first part of the story; there were a lot of simple sentences sort of strung one after another. It wasn't bad or anything, but I felt like the flow was being interupted a lot at the beginning. My first instinct is to tell you to cut back on all the little details, but looking it over again I think the beginning could benefit from a bit more desciption. Is it cold outside? Where is he in his house, a balcony? How long has he been an astrologer? Why is this so important for him? I feel his excitement, but I don't feel like I'm, standing right next to him sharing in the experience because I can't see all the aspects. You know, the five senses and whatnot.
Also, when he runs into the angel (alien, person, thing =P), maybe a bit more description of his feelings. Does he tremble in fear, does he gape in awe, is he confused, angry, happy? I want to feel shocked that this person I've come to understand ends up getting shot.
Last few things.
How far does it go? I assume it flies off, but you don't say so, so he could just be hovering.
Who says this? I know it's the people who just showed up, but for a second I wan't sure. What do they sound like, how does the astrologer react to the voice?
I think there are too many 'and's in this sentence. Are his eyes refocusing because of the click, or just at the same moment? If it's the later, you could use 'as'.
^_^ Keek!