Do not think
you can feel my
ecstasy engulfed by
your hate
Do not think
you can feel my
hate engulfed by
your ecstasy
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey there Tessu! Welcome to YWS!
There's something in this poem that I really like. It's the briefest moment, like a mere draw of breath, and I think that's what makes it so beautiful.
The switching around is interesting, because when you think about it, there are only two words in the whole poem that are different. It's the brevity of the poem I'm a fan of, not necessarily the whole switch-around, so I was even thinking the second image could be something completely different. It should start with "Do not think" but I think the poem wouldn't lose any of its beauty if the second image was something else. It's just something to think about!
Then we have the title of the poem. I have to say I wasn't drawn in by the title but the fact you only had two comments, and I wanted to give you another one. If you had had a couple more reviews, I probably wouldn't have even read this (because I prefer reviewing stuff that don't have so many comments already) unless it had a really gripping title. So perhaps you can play around with some names!
Very nice job!
Demeter x
Hey Shawn, it's Cesare here for a review,
This is a really brief poem, as @RoyalHigness said. I love how you repeat "Do Not Think" over, and over again.
Nitpicks:
Even though it is a good poem, it's kind of bland. You should work on that, other than that, it's really good.
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Since it's so short, it'll be difficult to review this...but I'll do my best!
First off, I like the enjambment. It makes the poem flow and easier to read.
This actually did make me think, because I had to make sure I had read it correctly. Switching the two words, "hate," and "ecstasy," makes this a little bit of an optical illusion. You might want to consider a bigger break between the two stanzas to differentiate, to tell the reader, "hey, this is a new thought, look over here, this is really well-written, yes I'm talking to you!"
I think the concept is a little simplistic, but it's a good start for your first poem. Next time, I'd suggest going a little more complex. Trust yourself to know what's poetic enough to deserve your artistic attention. Does that make sense?
As in, don't limit yourself to simple ideas because you don't think you're capable of handling something bigger.
This is nice, but I want to see some more. I want to /feel/ something when I read what you write.
I liked this a lot, and it's a great start for your first-ever poem! I'll give you seven stars of ten. Great job!