Published November 24, 2007
This was the first "real" poem I ever wrote. I was about 11...
I know it's way too abstract and obsolete, and I know many people don't agree, but jeeze, aren't poems after all a reflection of the most bizzare part of someone's mind?
Please critique.
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Life
Life shall be an abstract entity
For whom we live after.
It chooses who to favor,
It chooses who to not.
It isn’t about luck,
It isn’t about charm.
It’s simply about Life;
Has it forgotten you?
Or has it not?
Tessia T.
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Nice!
Let's see... Your poem is simple but strong. The good thing about it is that you know who your speaker is and what he/she is talking about.
I like how you wrote "Life" with cap meaning that it's an actual enity and somehow it's important to the speaker.
You may want to add more to it, but I think that short poems capture better the general atention.
And, also, I liked your strong ending. "Has it forgotten you?
Or has it not?"
It's mysterious and dark. I imagine the speaker reciting this last stanza in a whisper.
Janis
It doesnt matter if its to abstract and obsolete, I think thats what makes it a good poem (in my opinion).
keep it up
'It choses who to favor
It chooses who to not.'
well that suggests to me that life is a matter of fate, and we can't control what happens even if things do not go to our likeing etc.
I really like it
hetz x
I think you should add on to it more. It was good though.
We live after life? I think putting "yearn" or something like that might be better.
"Who to not?" Weird. "Who not to favour" would be better.
Nice ending!
It's rather vague, I think. It feels empty, more than anything, but if this is simply a personal poem, then that don't matter.