The lines pretty much speak for themselves

hmm...the poem speaks of your yearning...

I don't really feel the stress in the words...that's the problem with most of the writers on this website, they don't want to engage their subject mattter in a way that demands them to dive onto the emotional content of the work.

If you truly want to be expressive, you should be using any style and allusion possible to describe a feeling, write the way it could be spoken...

be elemental, use strong use words that kind of reach out to the reader.

It takes extremes, when writing lyric poetry.

I'm not saying that a simple poem can't be powerful I'm saying, that power has to be drawn from the contnent and that the writer should be do everything in his/her power to do so.

this was an acceptable poem, I liked the story and I understand the predicament.

never give up...ever

Hehe, I can only echo Pen on the punctuation front. I would say it isn't always necessary, but here it makes it a bit muddled to read without the punctuation because my brain things "there should be a pause here!" and there isn't one, so I don't pause. It also throws me off because you start with punctuation than fade out of it. I would say, go for none or go for all.

I like this poem but I'm not entirely certain I understand it, either, because it's vague. I'm wondering who "you" is with respect to "I", or if it's a metaphor. The beginning leaves me thinking it is about trying to write about someone/something (I tried so hard to capture / Every facet of your reality / To merge twin souls / As destiny intended) but them I am left wondering how the twin souls of poetry and this being are... twins, and why destiny intended this. So then I think it is about two people, lovers, trying to come together and the "I" is trying to capture "you" through the poetry. Mostly because of the writing/waiting to read part. Then you talk about every piece fitting together and I'm lost again. The small parts are great, but put together I am not certain what you intended and I cannot see how they fit together. It seems like an interesting start, but poetry that connects together and with the reader is more of my thing, so I can't say this is amazing.

Hope that helps! If you have a question feel free to bother.

Hey! Okay, so I absolutely loved this poem. There's a lot that could have been fixed, punctuation-wise, but I'm feeling lazy today so I won't go in and put all the commas and semicolons and whatnot. I suppose in poetry, punctuation isn't really a necessity.
Okay! I'm done with all those little ramblings, haha. Anyways, beautiful poem. Gold star for you.