I stood there overlooking a lifeless world, for I am death. The retrovirus I had developed made me immortal. Yet I soon discovered the virus had escaped, ironically killing humanity.
I had considered my own extinction, but I was all that remained. So for a thousand years, I searched for my relevance in this universe. I set my mind on the task to learn all that could be known. I built cities from what once was. In my image, I constructed companions to silence the loneliness and in time my companions became my children and they called me Father.
Our journey led to many worlds, none with intelligent life. Sadness consumed me, as more time passed.
My children's empire spread as did their knowledge. In time, they would colonize the entire Milky Way.
“Father, may I have a word?” asked my first son.
“Of course, what is it?”
“It is your birthday, Father. We have a gift for you, but all we ask is that you return to Earth for a short while.”
“Earth?”
It had been over two thousand years since I had seen the place of my birth. Only a four weeks’ journey from the other side of the galaxy, how could I refuse?
As we dropped out of warp, the Earth soon came into view and an overwhelming sadness once again reminded me of what I had done. Our ship started its slow descent as my son went on to explain that his brothers and sisters here on Earth had been working unceasingly for millennia on a secret project. “What secret project?” I asked. He explained how happy they were that I had given them life, yet they were aware of my deep sorrow. He then revealed that they had lifted the veil of time.
The city I once built stood before us, now a giant gleaming metropolis. Our ship gently docked alongside other interstellar vessels.
I was then led down a great hall, where I was greeted by the children I had left behind. Smiling faces chanted in unison “Father, Father, Father…” My children, swiftly parting like the Red Sea, unveiled a shining silver door at the end of the hall.
“Father, behind this door, is the end to your sorrow. This is our gift to you.”
I stepped through the door, bokeh shapes slowly came into focus, revealing a crowd of thousands.
Now I understood what my children had done. They had found a way to bring back the ones I loved and lost. I thought I had forgotten how to cry, as I felt a single tear run down my face.
I thought that it was very unique and obviously very creative, it caught and kept my attention and it had a lot of depth for a short story. I like the way you shown that anyone can make mistakes but not to give up hope as things might not always be as they seem, at least that's what I took away from this. I think that it is very good
Good afternoon, Temujin 
I was looking through works from a few days ago and found this. I could've sworn I had left a review, so I'll make so I do now!
As a whole, I very much enjoyed this story of yours and I read it multiple times. My only main critique here regards the main character -- whoever and whatever "father" my be.
I had a tough time understand what exactly is "father," and I still am right now. My first thought was that he is possibly a human. I quickly said no to that because the retrovirus he created made himself immortal and wiped out the rest of humanity. I didn't see how that would work; a virus making a single human immortal and decimating the rest of the race. My next guess was some sort of robot created by humanity. I guessed this because of the line "It had been over two thousand years since I had seen the place of my birth." I was thinking that "birth" may not be meant in its literal, natural meaning. Then I said no to this as I didn't see a need for a robot to make itself immortal. My only last guess was some sort of god, but he had made himself immortal so I didn't see how he would've been a god to begin with.
Here's what I know about father:
-He created a virus that made himself immortal, while wiping out humanity"
-He was born on Earth
-He is the last of his species
-He was able to create companions for himself, his "children"
-His children were able to grow and spread and create an empire throughout the Milky Way
Honestly, I completely understand making the story line slightly vague regarding "father" and his whereabouts. On the other hand, the connecting piece could still just be flying right over my head even though I've read through this multiple times. Maybe I'm just not putting together the context clues correctly.
In conclusion, I personally would have understood the story and possibly enjoyed it a bit more if "father" was a more transparent figure. I'm unable to understand what he is, so I was left reading the rest of the story almost looking to figure out what he is.
So most of this review was all on what "father" is, but it's really not a big problem. I don't think it takes away from the story, it was more a nitpick by me that honestly just irked me. I'm sure the majority of people will have no problem with how he currently stands as a figure. Personally, I just would have given him a bit more of an identity.
With the way your story is set up, everything works brilliantly and it is a wonderful story line. It is very short and to the point, but very intriguing and makes you think. Perhaps that is the point of father -- something, or someone, to think about. Either way, don't let this single critique demoralize you.
I love the story and truly enjoyed reading it. I hope my commentary on "father" can spread some light on character development and come as some use in the future!
I hope to see more of yours in the future!
-Tom
First off I love sci-if! Second off good for you for trying something new and experimenting with flash fiction. I'll throw in my two cents, and do what you will with it! If you have questions please ask.
I had considered my own extinction, but I was all that remained. So for a thousand years, I searched for my relevance in this universe. I set my mind on the task to learn all that could be known. I built cities from what once was. In my image, I constructed companions to silence the loneliness and in time my companions became my children and they called me Father.
Our journey led to many worlds, none with intelligent life. Sadness consumed me, as more time passed.
Smiling faces chanted in unison “Father, Father, Father…” My children, swiftly parting like the Red Sea, unveiled a shining silver door at the end of the hall.
“Father, behind this door, is the end to your sorrow. This is our gift to you.”
I stepped through the door, bokeh shapes slowly came into focus, revealing a crowd of thousands.
I thought I had forgotten how to cry, as I felt a single tear run down my face.
Very cool!
A nice plot, and I understand this is a short story, but you could add some more details.
Again, this is a short story, but there isn't much emotion. If you made this into a longer story, perhaps you could explain how you made the retrovirus. You could describe the planets you went to, each yielding bacteria, but no intelligent life. You could make a really great book out of this!
Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short review
Nitpicks first, then I'll move on some character-and-plot suggestions.
It should be a comma instead of a semicolon.The retrovirus I had developed made me immortal, but I soon discovered the virus had escaped; ironically killing humanity.
Same thing (comma instead of semicolon), but there should also be a comma after 'loneliness'I constructed companions to silence the loneliness and in time my companions became my children; and they called me Father.
HI,
It is short story and well-formed story. Only one thing I don't like is it is short. It had to be a bit long. I was enjoying the story mate. Well done. The starting is a journey, I felt it is truly science fiction. As you used few High sounding words and you placed them accordingly. I loved the way you used them. True words and true respect to story. It shows a future. The story is simple, sweet, full of surprises. I love the line, "I stepped through the door, bokeh shapes slowly came into focus, revealing a crowd of thousands." It was awesome when you revealed the mystery.
Keep it up mate.
Hello!
This was short, compact and to the point with no unnecessary descriptions or any other additions. I liked reading this. This was like an abstract piece of writing and I really enjoy reading stories like this. I like the narration, with no definite beginning or ending, and a simple, abstract story line.
Even though I said that it was to the point, I did feel that it lacked something. In the end the story did not leave me thinking or feeling anything more than feeling that something's missing.
It's just that the ending felt a bit hollow. Other than that, it was definitely well written. Your grammar, sentence structure, wording were all on point. In all honesty, the narration was just so interesting that the story could ramble on and on about whatever happened during the millennium the "children" worked on the "secret project" and I would be reading, completely intrigued.
It's only my opinion and you don't really need to change it if you like how your story turned out to be. Just keep these things in mind (or not, because we all have different writing styles) the next time you write something!
You absolutely do not need to take my words to heart.
Good job and keep writing! <3
*leaves a trail of fairy dust behind as she makes her clumsy escape*
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