Published July 22, 2012
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I didn't see much. All my suggestions are in parentheses.
I lie and wait,
A captive of the eyes in the tree.(this line doesn't really rhyme)
Minions of life's army;
Overlapping destinies,(I like this line, I don't know why.)
Deeply rooted, like the legs of the Iroko.(what's a Iroko?)
Surrounded by civilians of nature,
As they sing their heads
In a pool of blood.
Dancing in glee,
To the bondage of time.
To feel the rays of the sun,
Dance upon the shadows.
To hear the wind
Tilt their heads with precision;
The logic of nature.
Alas, listen to a tune
that binds the soul,
In never ending captivity: a glimpse of hell. (I don't understand why you put "a glimpse of hell" but thats probably just me., it fits fine)
Hey thanks! Iroko in my country is a type of tree! Thanks!