The line cracks as though worms
wriggle through the telephone wires.
.
It is a Wednesday, a few billion years
from the very day in which the world began,
and you are telling me something
that only the NSA and I can keep a secret, it seems.
.
You did nothing today. This is the problem.
.
On this day, a few billion years from when
the world began, you heard her skull split
like the divergence of tectonic plates
straight through a New York alleyway.
.
You watched the warping faces around you,
the expressions that shifted as mountains do
to raise their eyebrows at their peaks
but they did nothing, too.
.
You heard the screams
as you walked away,
assuming someone
in the world
would stop
it.
.
Someone else
would hear it
.
Someone else
would call
through the earthworm cracks,
but they didn't.
.
This time the crack in the phone
is not from infested wires but from tears.
It is a Wednesday, a few billion years
from the very day in which the world began,
the day bystanders heard the scream
but could not stand to stop
until they found her body,
until the erosion of her body from the pavement
was all that they could offer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Dreamer here for a review! I really liked this poem I thought it was very powerful. I like the description and the imagery put in it, that is what gave it its most power. I liked the way you formed your sentences because they just flowed together nicely and powerfully. I think that you are a wonderful writer and that this is a wonderful piece. The only problem I have is that when choosing your genre's you put cultural and I don't see the culture in it. Overall I give you two thumbs up for great writing and a great poem. Good Job, Good Luck, and Keep on Writing
Hi, happy review day! Wow! This poem is amazing! It's very dark, but I like it a lot. The feeling of "Someone else/would hear it/Someone else/would call" this is very true, and how a lot of people react to things. All I can really say is wow. Really really good job I love this.
Really beautiful.
-Ruby-
I adore this poem!!! It is honestly one of the best things I have ever read. I like the dark message and the stupendous imagery you use. The extended metaphor is really potent, and your repetition of "It is a Wednesday, a few billion years/from the very day in which the world began" really drives your idea home. Your writing style has an incredible maturity; I was enthralled while reading this piece.
Keep up the good work!!!
Wow. This poem has such spectacular imagery, and such a dark message. I really love your title, and most everything about this poem. However, I would maybe give it a mature content warning, just for inference and the whole head-splitting thing. That may just be me though. (EDIT: You do have a violence warning. Thanks for that. Sorry for not noticing!)
My favorite line was definitely: "On this day, a few billion years from when/the world began, you heard her skull split/like the divergence of tectonic plates/straight through a New York alleyway." It has the strongest wording, and I love how you tied it back to the earth.
While I love all the imagery here, I feel like you could do a couple things to improve your phrasing in this poem. I love the sections you have a lot of things broken into, but there are a couple places that I think things could be combined.
"Someone else/would hear it" "Someone else/would call 911" "but they didn't." I think that these verses should be combined. They feel quite disjointed on their own, and that messes with the flow.
Also, I would break up the last verse into two verses, just to make it look a little less intimidating.
In all, I love this poem. Keep up the great work!