These eyes dont judge.
They only try to discover
What you are or what your like.
These ears only listen.
Trying to decipher what your saying
Sometimes it doesnt work.
This mind thinks and thinks.
Never twists whatever is said to it.
Knowing the consequences if it does.
This mouth it speaks.
Sometimes things that shouldnt be spoken.
Only because the mind doesnt do its job good.
I am imperfect in many different ways.
Take me as I am or just watch me as I go.
For as I am not gonna change for you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, Tell. A few things here. Edits are in #BF0000 ">red, comments in #0040FF ">blue.
#0040FF ">I would try reworking this last closing line ere. You want it to end smoothly.)This poem all in all was very simply put, but it worked I think. The only things I had to really pick out were the commets in blue. I hope my review was in some way helpful.
Hi there Tellie. Lavvi in to review.
You have a lot of problems with grammar. Most cases in your poem should be "you're" not "your", "doesn't" not "doesnt" et cetera. Please, before you post in the future, look over your grammar because reviewers don't want to pick out every little nitpicky thing. It's just plain obnoxious and the grammar errors make the poem seem totally unprofessional.
Yours,
Lavvi
Intriguing. Looking at grammar and such first.
I must agree with the previous review. While the language and idea is excellent, there is no emotion before the slight hint in the last stanza. That works for some poems, but here it is a weakness due to your topic and approach.
If you wish to continue the poem in this calculating, emotionless way, the best thing would be to lengthen it -- either with more stanzas of the same format, or a lengthier stanza bordering on a paragraph. That way, the lack of feeling becomes its own feeling. Good foundation here -- keep writing!
The poem, while a good idea, lacks emotions. The last stanza is only part I could see emotion, and very little at that. While brilliant its bland.
Okay personally , I dislike that stanza. First off the repetition of thinks.
You can put so many different things that your mind does, but you chose the easy one.
The second line is worded really weird. You may have been going for that but eh.
In short this poem has great potential, but you need to keep working on it.
If you have any questions PM me, or post on my wall!
-Boo