Hi I love pretty writing... only problem is that sometimes I have no idea what's going on. I'm a pleb when it comes to vocabulary. **opens up dictionary.com**
The pallid fields give no stricture. Er, 'stricture' apparently means to remark or restrict. Do you mean, then, that they are endless? I can see through the veneer love it of soft haze comma deepening into the abyss. The wind softly whispers to the inert land comma waiting for the summer solstice to come 'come' is so boring amid all this lovely wording--how's about 'fall by'? and melt away the ice. But luckily comma today the sun is negligent. It leaves the land to perform its own opus. The sound of wind having conversations I think 'conversing' but sound better than 'having conversations' with the trees,should be semi-colon the sun slowly chasing the moon out of hiding, semi-colon and the stars dancing, embodying the sky. What more could garnish such a masterpiece? Do you mean, how could it be improved? There could be more clarity here.
It doesn’t need to be rational, or have a reciprocal day. It only needs this one day. Let all other thoughts drift into oblivion and enjoy the soft white snow. Not disturbing the parable being told between the stars. The story of what will befall in the morning, when the dregs of night run from the exasperated sun coming to melt away the snow. That’s the heritage of winter. This paragraph ruins the mood. IMO, let the first stand alone
Right, I see what the first reviewer meant, but I believe this was fantastic. The vocabulary did make sense. It was wondrous! The imagery was beautiful.
I'm also of the thinking that this needn't have been longer. Any longer would have been long-winded? D'you know why? Because although this was short, it was brimming with imagery and description. Perfect.
The second paragraph, however, I disliked. I'm wondering if you wrote it at another time to the first? I think this solely because the tone is altered. I believe it would be far better without this addition.
Thanks for the read!
Lauren
Points: 890
Reviews: 158
Donate