Escape.
Run wild and free
No worries
No pressure
No nothing.
Dream it
See it
Catch it
Chase tomorrow.
Break the bars
That bind you
Soar
Fly far away from here.
Inhale
Exhale
Close your eyes
And go some place magical.
Not a bird
Not a plane
It’s me,
I’m escaping.
Come with me
No worries
No pressure
No nothing.
Come with me
And we’ll escape together.
-Teigist
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139,645 Literary Works • 672,639 Reviews
Thanks, I appreciate all of your views.
Since it has been brought up a lot, next time I will think carefully about adding double negatives. I don't really think this one had achieved the effect I had intended it too..
Thanks again!
I agree with lovelysayshi, the double negative "no nothing" really doesn't fit or flow and sort of contradicts the whole general theme of the poem. Seems a little choppy at first and maybe more adjectives would help it flow but I think I see what you were getting at with writting it in that style, sort of that trapped feeling. That actually turned out making the overall idea of the poem more apparent once I finished reading it...still i'm a huge fan of adjectives XD
VERY well formatted, that was nice and constant and I applaud you for that (and your spelling, which as you can see I clearly lack XD)
Nice!
Speakesrkat
This poem was really well written, I enjoyed reading it is the least I could say.
Anyway, what caught my attention was when you said "no nothing." I may be incorrect, but it sounds like a double negative. I am not quite sure if it is or not, either way it still sounds awkward.
I love how this poem is so simple, yet so entrancing. Yes, it is entrancing. This poem is an attention-grabber right from the title. It is just so mysterious, you can't help but wonder... at least I couldn't.
My favorite line was
Inhale
Exhale
Close your eyes
And go some place magical.
This line was just so majestic and wonderful. You, my friend, have what I call eloquence.
Toodles.
Oh yes you need a good deal more punctuation.
This is good but it does not rime.
Also this is more of a
Ah I think that repetition is not very good in poems just a tip I have writen some poems so you can take my advise.
Okay kind of a dead end here just dah and then it is over but...
Overall this was really really good poem so.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
Thank you for sharing your views.
Plus, not all poetry has to rhyme. I made it not rhyme on purpose, so the meaning would sink in and you would focus more on the words as opposed to the rhythm. I also repeated, again, for the same effect, so those words sink in. Like the chorus of a song.
The line 'No Nothing' is a self-contradictory line I put there on purpose. Yes its a bit 'weird' but its used in a lot of poetry. It's called an oxymoron and even Shakespeare used it a lot in his writing, you can check.
Also, what other punctuation do you suggest? Because I don't have any questions or shocking statements therefor ruling out any possibility of adding in exclamation or question marks. So don't get what you mean by a 'good deal of punctuation'. Would you care to elaborate?
And also, you spelt rhyme wrong
Thanks again for your opinions on this piece, but I would love for you to give some reasons and examples to strengthen your point. That could help both you and me.
xo
Teigist
This was really good! Keep up the good work!
P.s the only reason why I haven't written down any negatives was because I didn't see any!
Aww you're so nice! Thank you
This is beautiful...just beautiful.Very creative and free,you are very talented.
You think so
Haha thanks xo
It was really good.... Its very creative.... And very clear.... Keep working...... you will be a good writer.
I love the title. It really makes me want to escape
I love the idea of it and how you executed it.
Keep posting! Xxxx, Claire
"Dream it
See it
Catch it
Chase tomorrow.
Break the bars
That bind you
Soar
Fly far away from here.
Inhale
Exhale
Close your eyes
And go some place magical."
I liked these parts, they were amazing and they really touched my heart. You're such a talented writer, good luck
You guys are seriously the best. Thank you xx
Hey Teigist, wow your poem was super good!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it!!
-Neonmask
My favorite part was the
''Not a bird
Not a plane
It's me,
I'm escaping.''
bye!:) great job!!!
Thanks so much
It really means a lot!