Published March 20, 2011
Chelsea;
Why couldn't I be her?? "Chelsea, come down for dinner will ya??" Mom hollered in that angelic voice I so didn't have. "Ya mom, be down in a few." I yelled in response. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I guess this is the best it's ever gonna get. I hated my look, I hated everything about me.
My eyes were a weird color, my hair was too wavy to stay straight but to straight to stay curled, what was I supposed to do? Not like my sister’s, Poppy, she is my twin and I so wish I were her, she’s the smart one, the pretty one, the cheerleader, the favorite. She was everything.
"Hey sis get down for dinner or the dog will get it" I rolled my eyes as Poppy yelled after me. sigh I guess it's now or never. I reached the top of the stares and immediately smelled my favorite dinner. I raced down the stairs and as soon as I reached the door to the dining room I heard three voices not two.
One was my Mom's, one was Poppy's and the third I couldn't put my finger on. My dad had left when we were real young, so it's not like it was his. "Oh I'm so glad you guys finally got together, I knew you two would. I could see it when you first met." That was definitely my mom's voice but what was she talking about? Who was she talking about??
Then a guys voice broke my mom off. "It took a awhile didn't it? But who really could have known?? I know I couldn't have seen it coming." Who was this??? Wait . . . think . . . I burst through the door when I got the face of who it was.
Jason, the boy I had been in love with since like third grade. He had his beautiful hands around my sister’s waist, and she was smiling, with her head on his shoulder. Mom turned to me with a huge smile on her face, whatever was going on it was not going to be too good for me, I just knew it.
"Chelsea, your sister has something she would like to tell you, and it's such good news." she turned back to Poppy and then I waited, perfectly aware of what was going on now.
I didn't want to hear one word she said, not one. I guess the twist of disgust came across my face, she saw and immediately started to talk. "Jason and I are going to . . ." was all I heard because I was already halfway up the stairs. I reached my door and yanked it open, ran in, and slammed it as I fell to my bed.
Poppy;
When I saw that look I knew she had figured it out. I had to try to get it out, I had to at least try. "Jason and I are going to prom together, We love each other and we want you to join us."
I wasn’t sure if she was still listening or not, but I turned to Jason and felt steady. "It'll be ok, she'll come around eventually. I mean I know I she hates prom but she doesn't have to be all dramatic about going you know."
He was so clueless, he didn't know she loved him, but I did. He didn't know how badly it was killing me to just tell him, but I did.
"Yea, prom is obviously not her thing." That's all I could manage to say. When Jason headed home I decided to head up stairs to Chelsea's room. I opened the door quietly, but the light from the hall must have shown through because Chelsea sat up, and I could see she had been crying, a lot.
"Chels, I know it hurts but you got to understand, I love him and he love's me. It's as simple as that. Please talk to me, please." Would she even speak??
"You make me sick, how could you have known since grade school that I was in love with him why would you stab me in the back like that??" She had a look of pain and sadness, and was that, yes disappointment. I couldn't stand it but I loved him, too. He loved me back, what could I do, tell him not to love me?? Tell him to love her instead?
"Chelsea, it's not like I can just make you the one he loves, I can't do that, I can't change is mind and that's that." I got up left her room without saying another word the only sound was the soft click of her door closing.
Chelsea;
This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. The guy I have loved for my whole life, is with my twin sister. Perfect. What made thing's worse was that after he left, she came up to talk to me. As if that was the last thing I needed right now. I sat up quickly, I had been crying since my face hit the soft fabric of my pillow, when I reached my room.
She could tell I had been crying, that was evident. There was only so much I could say before I broke down again so I figured I should make it as cold and hurtful as possible.
"You make me sick, how could you have known since grade school that I was in love with him why would you stab me in the back like that??" All of the pain and anguish in my heart must have made it into my eyes because as she stared into mine, I could see that she understood that I was hurt, but she didn’t leave before saying one last thing that felt like a knife wound being opened and filled with salt. She stood up and left.
That's it?? The only things left were my sobs against the pillow and shallow breath that came soon after. I somehow managed to fall asleep not looking forward to morning. This spring break blows, I thought to myself just before I drifted of into unconsciousness.
*Monday morning*
Chelsea;
I drug myself out of bed and stumbled to the closet, glancing at the clock woke me up. Ten minutes to get dressed, and ready to go to school, "Crap' I mumbled to myself still a little groggily.
I decide to just throw on some clothes ran downstairs, threw my hair up, grabbed a pop tart, and booked it to the car. Where Poppy was waiting for me. "Well someone's running a little late this morning now aren't they." Mom tsked as the car eased out of the drive way.
I shot a sidelong glance at Poppy. Of course, she had her perfectly straight blonde hair pulled over to the side, and had a brilliant shade of purple eyeshadow to match her gold colored eyes. Her lips where a hue of pink and red; unsure of which it was. While I had faint eye shadow, now lip-gloss and my hair was doing whatever it wanted to do.
My dull grey-yellow eyes did nothing for me and I just wanted to get to school so that I could surround myself with my group of friends and go unnoticed.
I stepped out of the car only to be greeted by my best friend in the whole world; Jessica. Jessica was tall and had beautiful light brown curly hair. She had the personality of a million comics and she made me laugh all the time! “Hey, Jess, what’s up?? How was your spring break??? Any cute guys?”
I wanted to get her started talking because when you did she never stopped. “Whoa, whoa, whoa I don’t think so missy, I was told that Jason was seen leaving your house last night. What was he doing there?? Come on give it up . . . ” She had that look of No you don’t, I got you and I won’t let go till I know everything!!!
"Fine you caught me, Jason and I are in a sex-filled relationship and he can't get enough of me. . ." "Ok really??? As if, seriously what' going on at your house???" As we walked to first period I explained to her the eventful night I had yesterday and with a round of no’s and really’s she figure everything out.
Poppy;
I didn’t want to hurt her but what else could I have possibly done? What a nice ride to school, full of awkward silence, and burning questions to which I barely have the answers. Several times I went to open my mouth to say something but the right words wouldn’t form. Look I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and Jason, but is everything ok with us? I’m sorry that he loves me but I love him , too.
No. It wasn’t what I was looking for so we rode to school in silence. When we pulled up first ell hadn’t rung yet so we had time to socialize.
Chelsea was greeted by Jessica who was once both our best friend but when we got to high school all that changed, I joined cheerleading and Chelsea joined FBLA with Jessica, things change, so do people. So now I had a new best friend and could see her walking over to greet me but before I could get out of the car mom said
“Is there something wrong with Chelsea? I mean I know she doesn’t do the whole prom thing but is there anything else??” She looked at me with concerned eyes. Motherly eyes. I almost broke down, but I didn’t. Couldn’t. “No mom, just bummed about prom that’s it.” I know lying was not my thing but hey there’s a first for everything.
I got out of the car and had hands around me in an instant, and a piercingly high voice in my ear. Sasha was my best friend, and we met in cheerleading freshmen year. We were both starters on the bottom of the pyramid. We have been friends for two years now. “So how was your spring break Sasha?” I wondered.
“Okay I guess, shopping, the beach, boys, but what I am interested in is you and Jason. What’s that about??” I should have know she would know all about that, so might as well toy with her first. “Oh nothing really last week he asked me out then to prom no biggie, not really.” “You liar that’s huge!!! Congrats!!”
Hoping to close the subject I said “Yea cool what else” But that did absolutely nothing. She continued to question me right up to first bell, and still questioned until we got to class.
But all I could really concentrate on was what I was going to do to help the situation with Chelsea; but I wont’ bother to tell Sasha, not yet.
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141,403 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
As theotherone and bugbug have already corrected and commented, I have to agree. There was some grammar. Once the bad grammar kept popping up to me, I had to stop reading. I have read several stories about twins loving the same guy, or two best friends liking the same guy and fighting over him. I hope to read more stories from you, but please don't give up. I can't visualize the characters much, they need more depth as already commented to you.
Ask yourself, what makes this story different from others that are about twins liking the same guy?
Don't mean to sound mean, but that's my review. Although this is only Chapter 1, I haven't read past the first half of this original post. Remember 90% of writing is rewriting. Hang in there. We learn from our mistakes.
Er... I didn't like this at all. For a start, there shouldn't be a semi-colon after the word chelsea.
This is a little boring so I stopped near to the end. I never found this enjoyable, I sorry but reviewing is when you tell the truth. I haven't got bucket loads to tell you. I think you should keep this up, though, just I won't be reading it. :X
Hello there.
I'm here as requested!
I'll begin with grammar, and then give my overall impression on your plot. Corrections are in red, comments are in bold. if there's sentences in blue, it means there's a comment coming up about this.
Oh, and I'll space the whole thing so it's easier to read... You might want to do the same.
Plot wise, this seems like an okay story. It's interesting, but nothing I haven't read about. We see those stories about twins loving the same guy all the time, so I really hope you can have some element in your story that makes it your own. I also happen to be a twin, so I know a lot about the relationship.
The other relationship they could have is more of a sibling link, which is kind of just like having a sister and having the same age is just an odd. In that case, it wouldn't matter as much, but I still have the impression she's not really caring much. Plus, if they have that kind of relationship, that would mean they were separated a lot when they grew up. For example, they didn't like the same things, not the same friends, not the same sports, etc...
Also, normally, twins get brought up always thinking about her other half. For example, I'm always thinking about my sister, always making sure we have the same thing so it's equal at all times. These are just little tips that you can show throughout the story. I don't know if you are a twin as well or even if you know twins, but if not, I would recommend that you do some research on the subject to you can have the little quirky facts and emotions proper to the subject. You can always PM me if you have any questions or would like to know more on these things. My point of view.
Nice job on the jealous feeling though. I would like to see more emphasis on the jealous, but I still love you feel though. Because really, this is the essence of the twin relationship.
Anyways, I'm rambling right now... The rest is awesome, and I would love to read more!
-Other One
Thanks!!!!I posted more!!!!! Hope ya'll enjoy!!!!!
This is good! I really enjoyed it.
DD
But just a little thing, I think the characters
need a little more depth. How about just desribing them more.
Other than that hope this still goes on!!
I would love to read more
<3
Please reply tell me what you think wether it be good or bad I need critism.