Curiosity/1945

Hey, Technoroses! Scythe here to do a quick review

This was an intriguing poem, it was clearly about warfare. I'm not too sure which battle you're referring to, however. Even still, it was interesting to read and very understandable.

From what I could tell, there were no grammatical errors but I did find some of the lines a little too lengthy;

Unearthing fragments of conversations at the end of the war.

This felt a little too long, this part "...at the end of the war" is what made it too excessive, it seemed to be extra, needless information. I understand that you want to refer to the war, but you've already given the date ([i]"1945"[i]) so we're already aware of the setting and time period.

If you took out that section, it would be much easier to read,

Unearthing fragments of conversation.

I found this line a little flawed also:

For how long those men were haunted by black and red.

I don't think the "for how long" part fit with this sentence, I would re-arrange the words, but also, I suggest making this a rhetorical question. It would make the effect of the line so great, making the reader actually question this context.

How long will those men be haunted by black and red?

I loved the "black and red", it showed the desperation of the setting. Black is supposed to represent illness and the red represents blood, I assume.

Good work!
Keep Writing!

-- ScytheMeister

Hey there! ＼(^。^ ) Shey here to review!

Overall, this was a nice poem about (what I presumed to be) the dropping of the atomic bomb in 1945. (I can't think of what else it could be.)

First thing I really likes was that I could feel what the narrator felt. The curiosity, longing for knowledge. It was apparent, and it felt understandable, like I could step inside the narrator's shoes. That is a seriously impressive thing, because I know many authors who are unable to do that. It's a difficult skill, one which you should be proud you can accomplish.

Overall, nice poem! Honestly, there wasn't much for me to comment on. Keep up the great work, because I look forward to seeing more!

Hi, @Technoroses

This was an interesting poem about someone learning about the nuclear bomb drops in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

I guess is that "black and red" mean death and blood and illness. I can kind of see it's repeated, but black and red can be dull. I'm not asking you to be more graphic; I would like to see the same pattern, but slightly different words or style. It's always fun to recognize patterns.

I also liked the arc of the narrator, but I feel as if it's not there. I believe it can be improved by weaving it in carefully. Subtlety and plain confusing has kind of a blurry line, and it's difficult to be subtle without being confusing.

I also have an issue with too-long lines. (It's one of my pet peeves)

As the men who made the decision to drop the bomb rejoice or

and

For how long those men were haunted by black and red.

and

Unearthing fragments of conversations at the end of the war.

and

I have put myself in the elegant room many worlds away, and it leads me to

and finally

To fully comprehend the Truth of what happened (if such a thing exists).

And the parenthesis doesn't exactly match the style of your poem.

But overall, your idea presented in the poem is really splendid and some tweaking with your poetry will make it a great poem. Sorry if I bombarded you with long-line complaints. Have a great day--and keep writing poetry!