The Emperor’s Thumb
Sand, sweat, muscles taunt,
Sly smiles at lion’s teeth
Sword’s threat keeping time
Soul’s furnace heating his brow
Tangled, tired
One last kiss
This is my haiku which morphed into a tanka. Yes, I know tanka are supposed to have three images, not two, and I also know the last two lines should just be one, but I liked it better this way. This is the first piece I've written in a little over two years so any and all comments are more than welcome!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
well, you can't call it a tanka if it is not a tanka. so we'll hereby call it the short-tanka-like-poem-thing. otherwise, i think this is a good group of...though rather senseless, nonetheless justifiable images. i actually like it better with the...
i'd enjoy that more as one line. please? hah.
Hello all!
Thank you for your kind reviews so far! You all seem much happier with it than I am!
Black Rose - a tanka is a lot like an extended haiku in terms of writing one...the structure is 5-7-5-7-7. The real difference though is in content - whereas haiku traditionally is for common, unemotional images, designed to state and admire the beauty in the everyday, tanka are designed to be emotional in nature and more "elegant" in language. Haiku traditionally used two images; tanka is supposed to use three. But, as with any art, first you learn the rules, then you live by the rules, and finally you ignore the rules!
It was short and simple. Nice imagery.
And welcome to YWS!
Wow... I didn't know about Tankas....
what are they? I want to try writing this.
This made me think of an egyptian pharoh, I liked it
Welcome!
Welcome to yws!
Bet you will have fun here. 
The poem is not that bad.Good gob.It seems you are very much satisfied with your work,so am I with your first piece of work.Keep writing.