Young Writers Society

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:


Thanks for sharing this poem about someone who suffers from what is called wanderlust, the very urgent desire to travel.

wanderlust (ˈwɒndəˌlʌst)
n
a great desire to travel and rove about
[German, literally: wander desire]
https://www.thefreedictionary.com/wanderlust

Hello Taylor! I enjoyed this poem. I find it rather relatable as I live in a small town and I haven't been to many places. I like the imagery you present in each of the places you talk about. It allows the reader to think of what might be in these places, even though you may not have been there. It allows for this room to kind of wonder what may be in Amsterdam, Italy, or Dublin. It's simple, meaningful, and even a bit emotional. I like it. Please, keep writing!

Hi there! Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here. I think I'll jump right in here, and I'm sorry if it's a little harsh.

So first off, a really neat idea for a poem! It has a really good rhythm. Mostly what I want to point out is some of the lines. They're a little to long to fit in well with the rest of the poem.

"I want to smell tulips as I stroll through the streets of Amsterdam." So I would just break this into two lines, like this;

"I want to smell tulips
as I stroll through the
streets of Amsterdam." I would also put "The tulips."

Now, the reason I'm pointing this out, is because the first part of your poem, and the last part, are lines of five words.

"I want to be gone.
I want to be everywhere.
I want to be a traveler." It's all lines of five. So the really long lines that you have, really mess up that rhythm you have going and makes it really awkward to read. So just break them down a little.
Anyway, really neat idea for a poem. Keep writing!

Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

I noticed that you are a new member of YWS. Welcome to the society! Having joined YWS just a month ago, I can assure you that all the other members are very friendly and helpful.

Now, coming to the subject of your poem. I think your poem is an ode to all those young enthusiastic travelers and explorers around the world. Referring to a number of different places around the world which you'd like to visit makes the poem more powerful because it reflects the energetic and adventurous spirit of a traveler. Writing about the different things which you may be able to experience in those places (like seeing the lively people in the pubs of Dublin and feeling the chilly wind blow against your hair in the mountains of Finland) gives a certain speciality to the poem. Personally, I think that this wonderful poem tries to present traveling and exploration as a metaphor of a young person's curiosity about himself and the world and the perilous journey he dares to undertake to find that out and realize his dreams by giving up the comfort and safety of his home. I'm not very sure but I think that there is a grammatical error in the tenth line:

"I want to have a conversation with someone that
has such an understanding for the amazing place
they live in."

It should have been:

'I want to have a conversation with someone who
has such an understanding for the amazing place
they live in.'

Another thing I'd like to tell you is that the message conveyed by the first two lines of your poem conflict with that of the aforementioned tenth line. The lines are:

"I want something new.
I want to be taken away from this old place."

These lines show that you are tired of the monotonous life in your city and want to explore new places. But, then, in the tenth line, you say you want to converse with people who love the place they live in, thst is, their hometown, when, you yourself are seemed to be bored of it. Anyways, my interpretion of the poem may have been wrong.

You are a wonderful poet with a lot of creative and imaginary skills and you have the talent to present your work to the readers in such a way that they can visualize the whole event in front of their eyes and be able to relate to it. Keep up the good work!