Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
Derek stared at the ceiling as his father endlessly inserted himself into him. Over and over again. This has happened to him before...many times actually. First his father would come home drunk as usual, then he would yell at Derek for maybe an hour or so. After that he would begin sliding his belt out of the loops of his pants, one by one, until it was finally off. Then he would beat him with it until he got bored with just a simple belt and would find, say, a metal rod, very jagged at the end since he cut it from the pipes himself. The beating would last a long time, in which Derek would try to focus on anything but the pain. Then his father would take his pants off and rape him for hours until he fell asleep. When he did Derek would scurry off to the bathroom where he kept his "best friend" under the sink, and carved up the insides of his arms.
The next day, Derek went to school with a thick wristband with L from Death Note on it to cover his cuts on his wrists.When he walked into school that morning he bumped into this girl with brown hair, brown eyes, wearing a neon green sweatshirt, leggings, and converse. She spun around to look at him.
"I-I-I'm s-sorry!" She stuttered. She looked scared, so Derek took advantage of the situation.
"Watch where you're going, freak!" He yelled at her. That was when 'Thing 1' (the blonde haired, blue eyed doofus) interrupted.
"Her name is Rose, not Freak. Treat her with some damn respect!" He said in his childish voice. Derek shoved them both out of his way as Rose burst into tears.
When he walked into the cafeteria, Thing 2(Thing 1's twin sister) bounced over to him
"I like your bracelet. Where'd you get it? Oh! And I love the color of your hair! It's just so fiery! And your eyes are pretty too! They're blue right? When I first saw them I thought they were green."
"Um...Hot Topic...I guess. Who are you?" He asked her, not really caring for an answer since this chick was getting really annoying. After last night, Derek had no energy for anything. He had a black eye from his father punching him several times in the face, choke marks around his neck, seeping wounds all across his back from his fathers belt, and a limp caused by his father stabbed him in the leg with a jagged rod.
"Oh, my name is Jamie. I think you know my brother Johnnie. He's gay. We live with our Uncle Ben ...he plays with us a lot and gives us candy from a stick he hides in his pants. He says its fun but my brother says it is not." Jamie told him.
"Little girl," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking her strait in the eyes "Get you and your brother out of that house as soon as you can." He said calmly
"Why? My uncle says he loves me and will protect me and Johnnie with his life. I don't wanna leave him!" She exclaimed, tears shining in her eyes. Derek sighed, the cuts on his wrist burning, and looked at her again.
"Just...take care of yourself..." He said and walked to his first period.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there!
What a tragic story! I don't know if this is just a one-time thing, and if so I have a couple comments. First of all, usually when people are drunk/abusive, there's a reason behind it - just like there's a reason behind a villian wanting to control the world in a fantasy novel. There needs to be reason behind it. You can't just have a character doing something for no reason, because then it becomes unbelievable and not realistic.
This was a very sad, tragic story and I only hope Derek and Jamie's lives lift up. I like the small gift of kindness (?) gave to Jamie and just told her to be careful because he knew that they weren't safe where they were living. It wrapped up the story nicely and just settled it - maybe not with a big fat bow on the top, but a tiny spark of hope.
I agree with Chrissy below me - no one would tell their whole life story to a stranger. Also, how old are they? Jamie is acting like a seven year old and it's really confusing me. She should honestly know better, and I was just utterly confused that she had no idea at all what was going on.
You touched upon an awful subject and I give you props for being able to write a story with such a dark theme to it.
Keep writing!<3
~ EternalRain ^-^
Hello TaylorBelleCrape! CHRISSY321 here with a review!
I can certainly say that this is a really sad story. I feel so bad for Derek! And even sadder part is that this happens more often than people think, as also shown in this short story. I think though that this is an very interesting story, and you should keep going with it! You know the basics that Derek's dad is a drunk, and would come home to Derek, then beat and rape him. People who are reading this want to know more. I want to know where his mom is at, why was his dad such a violent alcoholic? Along with that you already seem to get the clue that he is a bully at school. A girl bumps into him and is automatically scared, so I like how you sort of answer that question, along with his response to this girl. I feel though that the next part is really rushed. No one I know would ever just go up to a pretty scary schoolmate, and tell them their life story, especially how they live with their uncle, and that whole bit. I think that you could build up this story more, make it longer, I know it will turn into something great! I did not see any grammar or spelling issues so you are great there. I again want to see more writing from you!
~Chrissy <3