Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Time is running,
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
That's all I'm hearing.
Tick Tock on the clock,
Moving left and right,
Tick Tock on the clock,
It's my lips that I bite.
Need to hurry, Need to hurry,
Got no time to spare,
Need to get moving immediately,
Got to hand these over to Mrs. Mare.
There is really no time to stare,
Cause Tick Tock Clock never rests,
Have to move here and there,
Have to do my very best.
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Time is running,
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
That's all I'm hearing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello, Tay01, KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
So when I was reading this there was a rhyming pattern! I adore these rhyming patterns! It's just when even one(immediately and hurry) doesn't completely rhyme, it bothers me a bit. When writing a poem, try to keep your rhymes consistent and then you wouldn't have a problem with them.
I love the repetitive use of sound to get the reader to think of clock ticking on the wall. Onomatopoeia in poetry is one of my favorite things to write and read. It's just so much fun! In a poem with clocks, it was necessary and you included that so great job with that!
I wish that I had a little bit of more story to this poem. All I'm seeing you talk about time is running fast and the sounds that it's making. Maybe you could talk about how there is too little time at this point for what ever they are doing so they must run with the clock. I wish there was just something mentioned why they are running so far late or why they want the clock to move slower.
Overall, your poem is a pretty good job of poetry. You have great organization and nice rhythm and onomatopoeia. I am very impressed with this work and think that you are an overall great poet so far on your trip on YWS.
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Thanks Katya
Hello CapitalMonday here with a review for you. To begin, this poem is all about the sounds of the clock (sorta like Hickory Dickory Dock) in a sense. Also like the onomatopoeia you keep repeating in this poem making the reader think about a clock ticking while a girl is waiting ever so patiently until she has to go see Mrs. Mare. Plus I like how you rhymed most the of the words together in each stanza. This poem is sorta like a couplet that rhymes but that isn't at the end of the poem.
This poem makes me think of how my clock goes Tick Tock as well. The clock is somewhat of a symbol here in this poem since the Tick Tock is like patience, whenever the clock's beat continues faster your patience is lowering but when it regains itself, you are nearly there and ready to leave.
I know this isn't really a review but..
CapitalMonday
Hi Tay01,
The problem I have with this is that for a poem that's so much about sound, you don't quite have the rhythm right.
For example:
The last line has 5 syllables, while line 2 (its equivalent) has 4. This means it is "off" and doesn't read well. Either drop a syllable from the last line or add a syllable to the second.
In the second stanza, you have the same problem:
This goes 5-5-5-6! You can see instantly the last line has thrown you off again. You need to drop a syllable to make it flow.
I'd also watch the way you are forcing rhymes. Forcing rhymes means to structure a line in an awkward way in order to ensure it rhymes, whilst not taking into consideration the awkward way in which that line will be read by the reader. "It's my lips that I bite" is a prime example of forcing in bite to rhyme with right, and creating a below average line. Try to avoid this as forcing in a rhyme makes your poem worse. However, if you are deadset on rhymes (and it does help as this poem is about sound), then I suggest you revise this stanza as the last line line lets it down.
Also, clocks do not move "left and right". They always move clockwise, which is to the right.
Hope this helps!
Thanks. I'll work on my rhythm next time.
First off, good job. This captures what it really means to be in a hurry. I could actually feel it! The one thing I can't distinguish is the rhyme scheme. Is it ABAB? or is it ABCB? Some times it's one, sometimes it's the other. I can't tell. I think that this is a great poem, it is a great start. I would suggest that you try to add in a deeper meaning. A hidden theme, if you will. That way kids and adults can read and enjoy it. That is my favorite thing to do, at least. Again good job.
Haha Well done it captures a wonderful simplicity and effectivly getting a point acrosst. It is a odd prefrence of mine but i like that puncuation. Th flow was on point. I like the general ryhming skeem of you pom it's really intresting. Along with that you don't see very many people on here writing for the younger kids. So I really like that refreshing peaice of work. I feel it is laking something I am not sure exactly what it is but something. Over all great job. Keep up the great work.
****FancyDragon****
I loved it and the concept of it
Great flow and grammar
I really hope to see more of ur work
Keep writing
Plz if u dnt mine go check out my pieces
Thxz
-oldsoulxoxo
Great poem! It really captures the rush of when you need to do something quickly. I've been in this situation many times and this is exactly how I was feeling. The overall rhyming is good and it flows well.
I do feel that the line 'Got to hand these over to Mrs. Mare.' is a bit forced to ensure that this rhymes but this is just my opinion. In line 10 I think you meant 'got no time to spare' not 'go no time to spare'
I really like the repetition used in the line 'Need to hurry, Need to hurry' because it really portrays the rush that the narrator is in.
Overall a really great job. Well done!
thanks. fixed the got no time to spare.
Hello!
(now I feel like I have to hurry... 
) I only found one little nitpick...
Easily fixed. 
Other than that, I thought this was great! Wonderful job, and keep writing! 
Great job with this!
"Go no time to spare"
I think you meant got instead of go.
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome
thanks. fixed the got no time to spare.