Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Warning!! This is not a normal poetry. Please read the descriptions before proceeding to the poem.
-This poetry is almost full of religious items (related to the Christians)
-This poetry does not rhyme, it is rather more holy and slow-going than a poetry.
-Any insult on the religious side should not be taken seriously as the writer is a buddhist.
HOLLY EFFECT
A song I heard,
With chorus' ringing,
Mother Mary comes smiling,
A little scroll in hand,
Containing every single piece,
Of the advice and wisdom,
In the words of the Holy.
---
Dear Jesus Christ, sacrifising for us,
The sparkle and light of life started,
All because of you, the Lord.
We love you as much as the godfather and you,
Love the wonderful nature, with us.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,743 Reviews
Hi, there.
I'm going to do this review a couple lines at a time.
Okay! We shall begin.
Holly, HolyFirst line: fine, leave it be.
Second: I think you meant "with a chorus ringing" or something? Just doesn't make sense with the wording.
First line: Comes smiling from where?
Second: Fine.
Third: hmm... If I were you, I would take away 'the'. Just sounds more flow-y to me.
Fourth: I think it's fine. Maybe a little more on what these words are or something (sorry- I'm not religious and now hardly anything about religion...) of that sort.
First: The reviewer below me already pointed out that mistake
Second: fine
Third: fine
Fourth: I agree with Snazzy... Who exactly is the "godfather"? Someone specific? If he's someone EVERYONE (who knows about this religion) knows about, no need to change it, but if he is someone minor, I suggest changing it. Or just taking it out all togther if he is nothing in the religion.
Fifth: Who loves the wonderful nature? Or are you asking Jesus to love the wonderful nature with you? Maybe being a little more detailed about that would be fantastic.
Overall, I think you could've improved a little on your imagery, but the actual poem is fine.
Nice job, keep writing!!
~ EternalRain ^.^
Hello!
) I only found a couple of little mistakes.
If so, ignore that.
All because of him, was life started. 
Great job, and keep writing! 
Snazzy here for a review! (I'm trying to get back into the swing of reviewing, so I'm sorry if this is a little bad.
"Dear Jesus Christ, sacrifising for us,"
Sacfrifising should be sacrificing.
"We love you as much as the godfather and you,"
It may just be my lack of knowledge, but I don't know what the godfather is. I mean, a godfather is a male godparent, but is there something that has to do with religion?
"The sparkle and light of life started,
All because of you, the Lord."
This is my favorite part!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome
the poem i get is meant for Jesus and you might be a follower but with no opinion on religious ground the poem is incomplete
the two stanza's do not fit, is the 2nd stanza written in mother Mary's scroll, and people expect something in the part ---
reading it at first i got a vivid imagery and as moving with slow steps however i wouldn't say it rather a slow poem
next the theme is too bluntly open, try encapsulating it in a crust.
however i must admit at the age of 12 i could hardly focus on religion . i like your interest and do keep writing, looking forward to some more of your works- rituparna