Falling

by TasteTheRainbow101

Published November 21, 2012

In Poems <3

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The wind is rushing, My hair is flying about, I've fallen in love.
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Dec 20, 2012

Hey.

If this is a haiku I get the message I think you are trying to bring across. You've fallen in love, and now you feel free and happy, using the wind for sybolism. But it's a little short and a bit clichéd. It would be nice if you conveyed the same message with another way to bring it across which is more unique and personal.

And I won't comment on structure because that's been done!

Deanie x

User avatar
nomadpenguin
Review
nomadpenguin wrote a review Review · Nov 21, 2012

I'm guessing that this is a haiku that didn't come out formatted correctly.
First of all, this isn't in standard haiku form. A strictly traditional haiku should have a seasonal word, and two contrasting images.
If your intent wasn't to write a traditional haiku, than ignore the previous statements.

Because of how short a haiku is, try to vary the images. Here, you are only using one image, that of the wind.



Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
— Miles Kington