Published February 7, 2005
This one's for you Annette, one last goodbye of the many I never got to say.
Who would have guessed that three small words could hold so much power, so much pain.
The words I speak of are not, "I love you," for those words I could have handled.
They rang in my mind, creeping into my very soul like serpents.
Crystal tears glazed my eyes, but withdrew before falling.
I could not be true. I couldn't believe it, I wouldn't.
But it was true, as true as the promise we had made eachother.
No, I cannot say that. That promise is now broken. It hold no more truth.
My mind wouldn't let me accept that it was her fault. It couldn't be
It was the bottle, it was those words, it was the belt, but it wasn't her.
I still see her eyes in the dark, while I lay awake at night, penetrating the darkness like beams of forgotton light.
Sometimes I hear her voice in my own words.
I could never forget her, but sometimes I find I have trouble remembering her.
It scares me, how I can't see her face sometimes when I try to picture it, or hear her laugh as clearly as I used to.
I fear that I'm loosing her again, that her memory is slipping from my grasp.
I had a dream two nights after it happened that I saw her standing on the edge of a cliff.
She began to fall, but I did not run and catch her, I just let her go.
After she had fallen, I walked to the edge and looked down.
I found her bracelet on the ground, and put it on, slowly turning to depart.
Last night I had another dream. I walked again to the edge of the cliff and cast the bracelet over.
After all we had done together, after all the time we had spent laughing, crying, planning the future I had only one word to say.
"Goodbye."
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141,357 Literary Works • 674,380 Reviews
wow. thats sad. was she a good friend or is this just made up? overall beautiful. Not really in a poem form but it still works.
I loved this!
Your poem had great rhythm and I could follow it easily and understnad what you were trying to say the whole way through it!
I'm probably just repeating what everyone else has said but I have to say it all over because I really did love your poem!
I'm really not good when it comes to grammar but as I read your poem I couldn't make out any clear grammar mistakes which is a great plus.
I especially loved the way you closed the poem. The last line fitted extremely well with the rest of the poem so that helped with the flow of it. The flow of your poem was also, obviously, amazing! It helped me read it with ease.
To be honest it feelt like I was actually in the poem and I love it when a poem or a story has that effect on me!
Everything seems to work so naturaly as well which in my opinion is the most important thing when writing a poem. Your rhythm, the flow, the atmosphere of the poem. Everything just seemed so perfect!
Overall I adored your poem. It was dramatic, effective and extremely well written. I love your writing style and I can't wait to read some more of your work! Beautifu!
Keep writing!
Meg x-x
lol, thanx Hunt
omg, when I first saw this I was like, DON'T GO TARA!!!!!!
but then I read the poem lol
take all that's been said already, paste it in my post, and you'll have what I have to say
Thanx for all your comments, guys
This isn't really a poem, that's why it has no real structure. I didn't know ehere else to post it. It's just a goodbye note I wrote to a friend who...let's just say she passed away on her own accord.
While the emotions are strong it feels like it's just talking or rambling and not like an actual coherent poem, bascially it still feels rough and raw.
I like the overall idea behind this, heh, in four days it will be three months since I lost someone myself, so this really hit a nerve, but I don't like the format. The lines are too long, like your forcing the ideas to come. Which I can understand, it's painful. But I think some line formatting could make this a much more powerful piece. The only problem with that would be to make sure you don't seem like your going on and on about some tiny part of it.
I really enjoyed how you never really came out and said how you lost this person, whether their dead, moved really far away, had a huge fight, or whatever. Leaves a bit of an opening for the reader. Over all, it was nice, but I think it oculd be better.
And I'm sorry. I know how it feels. I'm still having trouble saying good-bye myself.
Wow....this is really really good, and the feeling behind it is potent. One thing:
Did you mean "It could not be true."? I don't know if you did, but "it" sounds better to me.
Overall, very good poem.
I love it
!
Powerful stuff. That's all I can say.
This is beutiful, I can't critqe this. This is a very lovely poem. =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
Wow... thats all i've really got to say. Even if i found some way to make it better (which i dont) it wouldnt matter. In poems like these the words are overshadowed by the feeling behind them, making the words seem less important. With this poem however, it was written so well that the words maximized the feeling making it truly excellent. You've inspired me to go write something, as i havent done so in a while.
Great work indeed.