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A Frog Adventure

by Tanu568


Once apon a time there lived a small frog called Albert. He has a best friend called Sasher. They are ten years old and they love to play out and about, but they are not allowed to leave the ponds edge. One day they were out leaping from lily pad to lily pad, when all of a sudden Albert found something sparkle in the distance, while jumping in the air. Diving into the murky waters he grabbed Sasher's arm, and pulled her to the edge. She asked if he was ok. While nodding he explained that he saw a small shiny thing in the distance, then set off walking into the tall brightly green grass. Sasher ran after him to try and stop him, but they kept on going. Soon Sasher got fed up of shouting at Albert, so she threw a rock at his head. Albert stopped and rubbed his head while slowly turning to face her, then scowled at her for a while to end up looking around in confusion.

"Erm what's wrong Albert?" questioned Sasher.

Who then looked around as well. Albert answered with "We are lost, give me a boost I'm going to try and jump higher then the grass"

Sasher looked at him and nodded, she interlocked her hands together so he could use them as a sling to boost himself up. As he jumped into the air he tried his best to find the ponds location, but wasn't able to see the pond, or even hear the other frogs, but he did manage to see the sparkly thing again. "The only way to get back home is to go towards the sparkle" explained Albert.

But Sasher looked the opposite direction "Why don't we go the other way to the sparkle?"

But as she did the sparkle began to move, so of course Albert grabbed her hand and ran into the direction of it. They jumped over things, dodge things and even slide under them. It soon grew dark. They reached a very tall metal leg, so Albert being Albert decided to investigate and asked for a boost up. Sasher looked displeased and sighed. "your going to try and climb it, even if I say no, right?"

Albert nodded so she pushed him up the pole. Soon they got to the top and it was pitch black, so Sasher grabbed hold of his arm. He started to look around and began to see the sparkle growing closer. They both hid behind the pole. Two big eyes appeared with a smile and said calmly. "Don't worry I cant hurt you I'm only a firefly I just glow..... wait aren't you two a bit far from home?"

Albert and Sasher still behind the pole slowly peaked a look, then Albert smiled "You can help us find our way home, in return we wont eat you, but shall protect you"

The firefly crossed his arms in thought for a while, then nodded with a big smile "Sure ok, my name is Sam, what's yours?"

After all the introductions Sam smiled and pointed to where he last saw the pond "I'm guessing the pond is back that way"

Albert and Sasher both looked and nodded. They both climbed down as Sam explained that he was going to fly above the grass, so he can see the pond and they can keep watch on him. They hopped along the ground as fast as Sam flew. Without looking Albert jumped through the grass and into the water. As soon as everyone heard a splash Sasher stopped and thanked Sam for the help, while all the frogs gathered round them both, as well as telling them to never run off again, of course. Sam waved good bye and flew away with a big smile "Don't count on them two to stay put for long"

The End.


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71 Reviews


Points: 5933
Reviews: 71

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Sun Nov 29, 2015 7:30 am
crobbins wrote a review...



I actually really liked this story.
I also can honestly say that this is the first story about talking frogs I have ever read!

I liked how you introduced Sam as a character, and how you incorporated him into the story instead of just having the frogs eat him. I'm not gonna lie, one of the reasons I thought I wouldn't like the story is because I thought it was predictable, but it proved not to be. Good job!

There were some grammatical errors I found, so I am just going to list them along with some things I was confused about. These are labeled with paragraph number and are in sequential order:

"Sasher ran after him to try and stop him, but they kept on going."
(Paragraph One)
Don't frogs hop or leap or something?

"We are lost, give me a boost I'm going to try and jump higher then the grass"
(Paragraph Three)
There should be a period after "grass."

"As he jumped into the air he tried his best to find the ponds location,"
(Paragraph Four)
"Ponds" should read "Pond's" because it shows possession- (the location of the pond.)

Sasher looked displeased and sighed. "your going to try and climb it, even if I say no, right?"
(Paragraph Six)
"your" should be capitalized, also it is the wrong form of "your," it should be "you're."

Those are some of them. I would recommend fixing these so it is easier to read through the story. Before you post a story try reading it aloud to try to catch errors. Or try to have a friend read it and proofread, since they sometimes catch errors that you do not.

But overall nice job! You should consider making a sequel!
<3




Tanu568 says...


Thank you for the review I didn't realize people would like it as much as they do it started as something me and my friend came up with just to past time in class but people ended up really liking it so I uploaded it. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the review and will take it all into consideration. Thanks again



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298 Reviews


Points: 15144
Reviews: 298

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Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:03 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Ok, I'm going to start off my review with a bunch of quotes that you see on the backs (and covers and first few pages (depending)) of books:


"An enjoyable tale of fantasy and adventure."
-Holographic Ladybug, member of YWS

"Coolness and frogs around every corner."
-Holographic Ladybug, member of YWS

"[I] Couldn't take my eyes off the screen for even a second. I couldn't wait to see what funny think could happen next. An enjoyable tale of friendship and whimsy."
-Holographic Ladybug, member of YWS

"A masterpiece."
-Holographic Ladybug, member of YWS

"Too bad, so sad, Shakespeare. There's a new classic in town."
-Ron Wilson for the Daily News..... Ha! Joking! It was me, Holograhic Ladybug.

"Heh. Funny."
-Holographic Ladybug, member of YWS

"Meow!"
-My best friend's cat


That's your praise for your story. But unlike the ones you see in books, I really mean it. (Including the cat one. My best friend's cat meows. A lot. All the time.) I did find your story really cool. It was also really cute. I made a wish last week to see more stories like this more on YWS. Wish granted. It was great.


This is a review, though. And like most reviews, there are some things that I recommend fixing:

'They are ten years old and they love to play out and about, but they are not allowed to leave the ponds edge.'
'Ponds' should be possessive. (Pond's) Unless there are several, in which it is 'ponds''.

'Who then looked around as well. Albert answered with "We are lost, give me a boost I'm going to try and jump higher then the grass"'
The first sentence seems a bit iffy. Maybe you could combine it with the one before:
"Erm what's wrong Albert?" questioned Sasher who then looked around as well.
Albert answered with "We are lost, give me a boost I'm going to try and jump higher then the grass"
You also forgot the period at the end of Albert's line and there should be a colon ( : ) before 'Albert answered with'.

'...again. "The only way to get back home is to go towards the sparkle" explained Albert.'
Albert's line should be on a new paragraph and his line should have a comma at the end.

'But Sasher looked the opposite direction '
You have forgotten the period.

'Two big eyes appeared with a smile and said calmly. "Don't worry I cant hurt you I'm only a firefly I just glow..... wait aren't you two a bit far from home?"'
This should maybe look a bit more like this:
'Two big eyes appeared with a smile and said calmly, "Don't worry, I can't hurt you. I'm only a firefly. I just glow..... Wait, aren't you two a bit far from home?"

'Albert and Sasher still behind the pole slowly peaked a look, then Albert smiled '
'The firefly crossed his arms in thought for a while, then nodded with a big smile'
'After all the introductions Sam smiled and pointed to where he last saw the pond'
'Sam waved good bye and flew away with a big smile'
You have forgotten the periods after each of these sentences.

Other than these errors, there is nothing wrong with this. I hope I have been of some use!
~Holographic Ladybug

.P.S. I have noticed that you have just joined YWS! Welcome with open arms to the site! (Gives you a cupcake) I like your avatar picture!




Tanu568 says...


Thanks you. I appreciate your comments and will try to fix my mistakes. and I will accept that cupcake with a big smile




He knew that elbow.
— soundofmind