Daffodils mean New Beginning

It was march, the rain had just stopped. The earth shined brightly, glistening under the fresh showers of heaven. Outside, daffodils danced in the garden as a young boy- at most five- sat inhis granny’s lap, immersed in her fascinating stories.

Suddenly, the gates opened, with a slight creak. A middle aged man dressed in heavy military uniform walked in.“Papa!” shrieked the boy joyfully waddling through the garden. As he reached the soldier picked him up in his arms. “Papa!” the child repeated as he beamed the brightest smile one could see. “Noah! my brave, brave boy,” the old man said pulling the child into a tight hug.

Meanwhile, the older woman reached close by and in her shaky yet subtle,voice said, “ It’s coldoutside. Come on, get in.” The man moved, putting one arm around her shoulder,asked “ How are you doing, mum ?” “ Oh! Don’t you worry. This old mum of yours is not going anywhere. Now come on in. Noah will catch a cold!” replied Granny, half chuckling. The man smiled and walked along with his son.

******

“Roy, it’s for you!” called Grandma from the dining, holding the telephone’s receiver in hand. Striding into the room, Roy hurriedly took the call. By the end of it, his face was tense, one might even say he was anxious. Apparently, after two years of peace, things had again gotten worse along the northern borders . Additional troops were to be deployed to the region immediately. “It has onlybeen a few days since I...” Roy spoke, but his voice faded away as his eyes moistened. He turned, facing away from his mother and towards the wall. “Noah is a strong kid, he will be fine,” consoled Grandma, placing her hands on his shoulders.

The other morning, when it rained again, Roy left. After a while, Granny left too, for she had to attend to the family store. Noah was left at home, alone in the beating silence of an old house. He was sad, but he did not cry for his father always said ‘ Be brave, don’t cry or else your eyes will become sore,’ so he did not cry. Every day followed the same routine, with Granny leaving early  and coming home late. Recently, schools had also been shut because of the unrest, leaving Noah all out of work.

Alone at home, he waited eagerly for a call, a ring of the doorbell, anything at all. ‘One could never know when Papa would come home’ he thought. A single sound and he would rush outside, making sure no call went unattended.

A few days later, the doorbell rang. It was evening, a calm and dull one when Granny would sit inside the store half awake. But somehow, that day, she was home. Noah ran to the door, his shoes halfway out of his feet. On the gate stood another man in uniform, a man several years younger to his father. He held a big cardboard box in his hands and perhaps some papers too on top of it. The man asked him if there was no elder at home? Noah nodded in a yes and turned back, saying “Wait, I’ll call Granny.” His face was bright as the sun since he was sure that father had sent a gift for him, just like last time. Granny slowly walked out, greeting the soldier and as always invited him for tea. The young man politely refused, reaching closer to the door. Placing the box on the floor, he handed over some papers and a letter to Granny.

His white hands trembled a bit. His face seemed very pale, leaving Noah wondering whether he was alright. He opened his mouth, maybe had something more to say, but no words came out s. Pointing to the box, he finally spoke in a low tone ,“These are .... some of his things..from his..” and then he stopped again. Most likely, it was his first time as a messenger of catastrophe. Noah stood beside Granny, and the soldier looked at him. He smiled slightly and patted his head, taking pity on the five-year-old. “The ceremony is on the fifth” he said, wringing his hands and then turned around and left.

“What ceremony, Grandma? When is Papa coming home...what does the letter say ?” Noah asked Granny, running out of patience while she shut the door. “ Papa won’t be coming home, child. We will see him on the fifth” Grandma replied, looking at him as she slowly sat in her chair. Tears welled up in Noah’s eyes. He knew what Granny meant, for he had heard these words before. He wiped his tears fanatically but all in vain. He must prepare, he thought, for his father’s farewell- his last goodbye. He continued sobbing silently and, it didn’t look like a five-year-old crying. ‘ Poor child’ Granny thought as she wiped her own eyes.

******

22 Years later.

Noah sat at the counter of his family store, a book in hand. A pile of unread books lied on the floor beside him. Since Granny left 10 years ago, he had sat there all day with books and sometimes, coffee. This was his daily routine–sitting in the store all day and then sitting alone at home. He lost his sleep ever now and then and hence, he passed the time with books. Maybe that way, in his books, he felt things he could no longer feel.

The door opened, and a customer walked in. “Do you have some batteries ?” the person asked. It was a woman’s voice. Without looking up from his book, he went inside and came out with a pack of batteries. Still holding the book, he placed them on the counter such that the price was visible to the buyer. It was a time acquired skill as some days, he could not speak at all. Like the last time his uncle visited, or when his father’s friends came over recently. The woman took the batteries, sorted out the change, and before leaving said “It’s a nice book you got there.” This reading habit of Noah’s troubled most customers for they craved attention, but this one wasn’t bugged at all. Out of curiosity, he looked up. A woman with bright eyes and long brown hair dressed in a light summer dress stood in front of him.‘ She must be new here ’ he thought, for he had not seen her around before.

When Noah said nothing, she murmured, “I‘ve always wanted to read it... but.” Noah shifted his gaze back to the book, realizing that maybe, he stared for a bit too long. He then brushed the cover with his hand and handed over the book, saying, “Here...I’ve read it twice already.” The woman smiled, and after promising to return it, walked out of the store.

A few days later.

It was warm that day, quite sunny as well, yet Noah remained at home. Feeling a little off-color, he decided not to go to the store. Presently, he was walking towards the door. He had heard the doorbell ring quite a few times and only then had he decided to move. Usually, if he heard it only once, he would ignore the call, not like he had many visitors. Sometimes he could hear the ring when no one was there or maybe the culprit ran away in time. The noise did trouble him a bit. It always had.

At the door, it was the woman he had met the other day, the one with bright eyes. ‘When was the last time I saw something this bright’ he thought, looking at her. ‘Was it...’ but his thoughts trailed away, or maybe he pushed them back, back into the depths of his mind. She held a small bag on her. “The book” she said as she handed it over to him. “Thank you,” she spoke again, her voice was nice- not particularly sweet or melodious, just nice. She had come to return the book.' Someone must have shown her the way’ Noah thought. Holding the book in one hand and the door with another, Noah unconsciously invited her for a cup of tea. He wasn’t sure if he had any, but still, he invited her anyway. Maybe, for that moment, Granny’s hospitality had taken over him.

She hesitated for a bit, but then accepted the offer. Noah showed her in, and had her seated at the dining table. She surveyed the books on the table while Noah prepared some tea. Over tea, they talked about the new books on the table.He hadn’t read them yet, Noah said. The woman nodded, a slight smile of courtesy on her face. She was still sipping at her tea when Noah left the table and went inside, maybe to escape the awkward silence that prevailed every now and then. At least that’s what she thought. A few moments later he came back, books in hand. “Take some of these. I’ve read them all and...I think you would like them ” he informed her, placing them on the table. The woman thanked him and picked out two from the pile.

“Thank you.I’ll return them in a week,” she said, standing at the door. “It’s alright, take your time” Noah replied in his usual plain voice, bidding her goodbye. “By the way, what is your name?” the woman asked before leaving.

“Noah,Yours?” 

“Lana”

After that, she once again thanked him and slowly walked away.

******

A few days later Lana came down to the store again, bag in her hand. She took out one of the books she had borrowed and placed it on the counter. She didn’t leave then, instead, her eyes ran wildly all over the place - over the counter and the shelves. For a while, Noah ignored it, but then finally asked her if she needed anything. After a brief silence, she pointed out a tall cylindrical vase kept in the corner behind him.

Noah turned, picked it up and dusting it, placed the vase on the counter, quoting its price. Lana didn’t pick it up, instead she took out some flowers from her bag- sunflowers they were and started arranging them in the vase. Noah sat in his chair thinking ‘ What is she doing? ’. Once finished, she placed the vase on the counter, keeping it closer to the wall. “ Thank you for the books,” she said, smiling. Noah’s eyes widened. He stood up and walked to her side. “For me?” he asked, looking at the flowers with a new look on his face. His voice wasn’t dead, rather, it was in awe. Lana saw his face, nodded, and smiled but she wasn’t sure if he saw her.

“Sunflowers, they mean joy,” she said. Noah turned towards her and then back at the flowers. “I thought they would be a nice thank you present,” she said. Noah smiled, still looking at the flowers and his eyes smiled too. Moments later, Noah presented his worry that they would become a mess once they dry up. Lana suggested she could change them weekly, as she brought flowers all the time. Noah agreed, stating that in return he would discount her purchases.

After that, they talked for a while- about flowers and floriography, books, and the two-decade-old crisis the nation faced. When Noah realized how late in the evening it was, he offered to walk her home. ‘It wasn’t safe alone this late’ he thought. Lana said nothing, just smiled, and gladly accepted his company. He smiled too, for the second time in a single day. All along the way, they kept on talking, getting to know each other better. He hadn’t talked this much in years. They reached her door, but before turning in she said, “You should smile more often. Maybe then someday, you will find a reason to.” Saying goodbye, Lana went inside the house. Noah walked away smiling as her words rang in his head, amused at how and why would she care?

******

In the months ahead, they met regularly-to exchange books and flowers. Sometimes, Noah would bring her flowers too and she would happily accept them. They talked a lot about this and that. He did not know with whom did she live or what she did for a living but he knew her favorite color, how she loved the sunset, her go-to-book, and the smell of the flowers she liked, and he was content to know this much. They even had tea at his place sometimes, and Noah, unconcsiously, was rather amused by all of this. Lana asked him all sorts of things- how old was the house? how long had he been living there? What does a Daffodil mean?

Consequently, Lana was now a regular customer and a friend. Hence now Noah liked being at the store. Unknown to him, he had gotten a lot more used to her being around, to smiling, and feeling things. He even looked in the mirror sometimes, thinking if he looked right. Earlier, he just didn’t care. He talked more, walked more, and could even sleep slightly better now.

One early morning when he had just opened, Noah heard someone with a heavy foot walk inside. The loud thumps were those of military boots, he reckoned as his parents used to sound the same, returning from work. Also, occasionally people from the military visited him, either as his parents’ acquaintances or as an official.Noah, however, didn’t fancy such visits. It would put him in a foul mood for the day.

Hearing the visitor place something not so heavy on the counter, he turned assuming the entrant to be a colleague of his father’s. However, his assumption was much contradicted. His face suddenly lost color, his eyes stayed on the customer’s face. He leaned against the wall, supporting himself by the edge of his seat. Standing stiff as a statue, he found himself gasping for air. The visitor, worried at his appearance, said “Are you ok? Are you alright? Noah!” The speaker placed a firm hand on Noah’s shoulder and shook him. “Huh, Lana, you?” Noah spoke as if waking up from a trance. He tried to pull himself together, to get his crooked breathing in line. “I was on my to work so I thought I’d just...You ok?” Lana asked again but Noah didn’t reply, just nodded in a yes while averting his eyes. After a while, Lana left, saying that she was running late and she would come around to check on him later today.

An hour or so later, when Noah went home. He felt no strength in his limbs, and his head felt light. ‘It might be a fever’ he thought, placing his palm on his forehead. Reaching home, he went straight to bed and wrapped himself in blankets and sheets, trying to fall asleep. In vain though, since no sleep came to his eyes and he lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

That evening when the doorbell rang, he pretended to not listen. ‘ It must be Lana’ he thought, curling up in bed. The bell rang again and again, but Noah ignored it. The other morning and a few more mornings to come, the same scenario followed. However, one afternoon he heard loud thumps on the door, which could not be ignored . Enraged, he opened the door, but seeing Lana did nothing. All of his anger slipped away like water on a steep hill. Lana looked at him, furious, and her anger was not ebbing. Still in uniform she stood arms crossed at the gate, Noah could see her service vehicle. “What have you been doing, huh? You are not even looking after yourself!” Lana said in a slightly raised voice. For a moment, both of them were quiet. “You look sick, Noah. What is it? A fever?” she asked again, placing a hand on his forehead.

Suddenly, Noah felt his eyes getting moist. Her hand was warm, or maybe he was too cold “You aren’t eating, are you?” Lana said as she peeped behind him. Of late, Lana had come to know his habits and now Noah wondered, ‘Would it be better if you didn’t?’ She then asked him to accompany her to dinner, at her place and was not taking ‘no’ for an answer. Hence, reluctantly so, Noah locked the house. “Eat something today,” she said while dragging him to the car waiting at the gate.

That evening, Noah had supper with Lana and her family, in her house. It was not a very big one,and there Lana lived with her father and younger sister. They chatted about things hither and thither. Sometime later, the old man was sleepy and Kate had school tomorrow. Lana and Noah were still talking, and she was visibly concerned for his health. She said that he should look after himself and if need be, then he should see a doctor sometime. Then out of the blue Noah said,

“Lana?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you work in the military?”

“Oh, that” the question came as quite a shock since it was so out of place. She replied, “Well, I have a family to look after.” Fidgeting in her seat, she continued, “I know the army is not the safest workplace, especially not in our country. But, you see my old man always wanted a son in the forces. I don’t have a brother, so here I am.” Her face beamed with a smile as bright as daylight. Noah smiled too, looking at her face and then at the wall behind. He was reminded of people with similar reasons, people who should’ve been by his side. ‘Too sacrificing,’ he thought ‘All of them,why can’t they just..’Lana continued speaking and as they talked, the night slowly melted away.

A few months later, Lana received a parcel, accompanied by a letter with no information about who the sender was. The letter, additionally, asked her to open it on a specific date, never before that. ‘Must be a gift’ she thought, as her friends sometimes played such tricks on her. Lana kept the gift someplace safe and left for work.

Two days later, she came home a little late, thanks to the weather. It was a little stormy that day, with deep dark clouds hanging in the sky. It looked as if it could rain any second. Despite her loud knocks, her father didn’t open up and so, anxious, she unlocked the door with a spare key. Her father was never late, unless he was sick or hiding his sickness. “Papa! Kate!” she almost screamed as she walked in. Even the lights were off, and her pace escalated along with her heart rate. She rushed to the drawing-room and switched on the lights. There, on the floor, lied Lana’s father, Kate lied a few steps away. They lied on their stomachs and the floor was red with the blood that had spilled from their lifeless bodies.

She lost her footing and almost collapsed. Walking closer to the cold bodies, she tried waking them up to no fruitful effort. Tears stained her face, her eyes seemed bloodshot as her head could not comprehend what lay in front of her. Some time later the police came upon receiving the news and took away the corpses. Then after a thorough investigation, the house was cleansed. A few weeks later, Lana went to the police station again. The culprit had been identified, but before any action was taken, the officers needed to be sure about some things, since her’s was a curious case. 

Walking out, Lana saw a handcuffed man being led inside. He was there for inquiry in a case, or rather, for being inquired. She stood at the gate and stared, lost in thought. The man turned and their eyes met. He had a short, unkempt beard, and his hair was a ruffled mess. His face, however was familiar. “Noah?” Lana whispered, her eyes moistened, her face turned pale, as though she was sick. She was still looking at him when Noah smiled- a beautiful smile like a moon sinking at the ocean. A contemporaneous tear ran down his face, a tear which Lana could not see.

The other morning Lana sat in the dining of her house since she couldn’t bear staying in the drawing-room. She sat weeping silently, her head at the table. In a single blow of time, Lana had lost everything. She still couldn’t come to terms with it. Her family? Noah? Why are they all gone now, all at once?

Suddenly Lana was reminded of the unnamed parcel. A string of thoughts, strange ones fanatically raced in her mind as she searched for the box. She found it and opened it, hurriedly. Inside there was another letter and a bunch of daffodils, now dried up. The letter read:-

If you are reading this, it means I am no longer around. It means I have done some bad things. If you are reading this, it means now, you are free. Now, you don’t have to think about anyone-your father, sister or me. You have no one to look after, none to care about. For the dead need not be cared about but be left behind. You don’t need to think about me, for since when was I even alive.Surely, not without you, never without you. Rather, I would have you hate me so that I am nothing more than an illusion. You don’t need to work there anymore, in the army. You are free. You can make a fresh start- a new beginning that leads to your happy ending.

‘Daffodils mean New Beginnings.’

- Noah.

Holding the letter in her hand, Lana collapsed, the strength in her knees crumbling. The dried flowers spreading all over as her tears stained the ground.