As I held out my hand, saving her from the fall
she were about to take, I take a deep breath
then pull back. The fall Jasmine took was short
and anti-climatic as the blood splattered.
--------------------------
The good Samaritans stare up at this tall building,
looking at a man too weak to encounter heart break.
Looking at it, I just made my best friend fall to
death. I just killed a person? Well, damn.
-----------------------------
I take small steps back to my apartment.
Ideas are running through my mind of
what to do when the police come after me.
I kick away the snow at my feet and head in.
----------------------------
"Woman falls to her death off of
apartment building", the news says
as I eat away at yesterday's leftovers
in a box marked Jasmine.
---------------------------------
"Did you mean to kill her?"
Never. I was trying to sa-
"but you let go purposely?"
Yes. "What were you saving her from?"
Me. But, that didn't work.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I'm not a big fan of free-style pros, but you might have just changed my mind! The tone fits the psychology of the narrator, and it raises interesting questions about the morality of an individual. I do have to wonder though, is this poem metaphoric for a personal relationship or experience? Anyway, bravo!
huh? I do not get this, but sounds quite good though. Just a bit more rhyme
Hello! Great poem! Heartless... superb!
Though I got a little bit confused in the first stanza. I'd prefer if you just divide each line, something like...
"As I held out my hand,
saving her from the fall that she were about to take,
I take a deep breath and pull back.
The fall Jasmine took was short and anti-climatic as the blood splattered."
Oooh... and great title too... Mona Lisa falls to death. Mona Lisa being symbolic... great...