Published July 16, 2010
Addiction
Attraction, my destruction
Can’t take my eyes off her
A voice calling me from the depths of nowhere
She wants me to strip down to the thirst I hide
The shameless side of me
That cares not for the world nor for my own well-being
And I sigh
In resignation
Knowing I can’t deny
Her secret smile.
I beg my noble reflection
To permit me one taste of her poison
And let it burn through my veins
He rejects my request and
Her rage, my wrath
Draw cracked lines on the glass canvas
Till the mirror breaks
And disconnects me from his wise perfection.
I drink in the fire,
And burn in the heat
I bath in the light
Till the darkness embrace me.
My eyelids are heavy,
And my breathing slow,
My head feels dizzy
I should have known.
I turn my face away
And my reflection stares back at me
His lips curved down to a frown
For we both know
I may never stand tall again.
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Very nice! I have never personally been addicted but I know addicts and yes this is close to their feelings.
Hey TanazMasaba,
Forgive me, as this is my first review that I have given in quite a while, and I might be a bit rusty.
Onto the Poem!
The main problem that I see in this is the unoriginality. The topic is extremely popular with young writers, the idea of addiction is alluring. Something so tempting that one can't resist... However, it's difficult to portray such a thing in a tangible and effective way, and unfortunately I don't feel that you have quite hit the mark with this piece. The idea of talking to yourself in the mirror, having a one sided conversation with the "lighter vs darker" feel is something that I have read before, and will probably some day read again.
My suggestion is to do a bit of reading into this subject. If you want to write about addiction, know it. As a recovering addict (which I am), I had a difficult time relating to this poem because it doesn't go deep enough for me. It doesn't get the reader to a point where they are almost uncomfortable with what they're reading. I think if you're going to go for such an intense topic, you need to try to match the intensity with you're writing.
The first way to do this effectively is to expand on your imagery, creating an image is the greatest trick that a poetry writer can use. It should be the first thing that you think of, "Is my reader here, can they feel what I am feeling, are they exactly where I want them to be?" because as a poet, that's what we do. We paint a picture with our words, and make our readers feel exactly what we were feeling when we wrote it.
Really though, this poem does have potential, I think that what it needs is some expansion and some guts. Don't be afraid to go to a place that might make your reader uncomfortable, especially with a topic like addiction.
Hope this helps,
OverEasy
Thanks! this was inspired by stories of addicts who are trying to recover and keeps on failing. I have never been an addict myself but I wonder if this is how they might feel......even the slightest bit....they are in real pain and I have a soft side for their misery.
I like this. It has an edge of darkness and despair that's almost like fire, or something ravaging and terrible...fire was actually the image in the back of my head as I was reading.
I'm not sure how addicts would relate to this, as I am not an addict, but I quite enjoyed it.