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Young Writers Society



Lyllan 2

by Tamora


The grass spread from under the horses' hooves as they thundered across the emerald meadow, their muscles rippling with each stride. their riders were sumptuously dressed; the majority of them clothed in flowing riding cloaks and rings adorned the hands that held the reins. A black stallion led, his head held high and war training obvious as his powerful legs struck the ground. His rider was just as magnificent, rich purple robes complementing the pale hair that flowed freely with a jewelled, gold circlet its only constraint.

Those that surrounded the nobles wore guards uniforms in the same deep purple as their king and carried long pikes with wickedly sharp points. The closest to the king was a youth with the same light hair as his sovereign. Though he dressed as a guard his eyes were sharper, his stance stronger, and his manner prouder than his comrades.

Jaimes Ceiffeld looked out ahead of the group, across the grasslands towards the outline of a village rising in the distance. His eyes flickered over the king's face and smiled when they were met by bright blue. The king raised a hand and beckoned Jaimes to approach. Adjusting his weapon with a hand adorned with a single signet ring, he turned his mare towards his smiling sovereign.

Jaimes inclined his head, "Majesty?"

The king laughed, "Cousin, you know you don't need to address me with those dignitaries."

Jaimes raised a brow, "And yet, if I don't your pride would mean you would not talk to me at all dear Zamias."

The king's smile grew, "You know me too well, Jaimes."

Jaimes looked back towards the town, "The men are apprehensive about this one," the king nodded, "too many natives,and the rumours flying around..." he left it hanging.

"I'm sure they'll give us no trouble," said Zamias.

Jaimes glanced at his cousin, "You know what the spies have been saying, don't you? About these natives in particular?"

The king's tone grew slightly cold, "I have been reading the reports Jaimes."

Jaimes sighed. Zamias's pride was great, it didn't pay to offend him, "Yes sire."

The king paused, "Will you be exploring?"

"Yes," Jaimes said, and gestured to the group behind them, "You know I prefer the commoners to this rabble."

"I do," Zamias replied, "Though I can't think why."

"They bore me."

"I know they can be a little aggravating..."

"A little," Jaimes' voice became indignant, "The next time I have to hear about Lady Nuitin's multiple grandchildren, or lord Griant's olden days..."

Zamias chuckled, "That's because the most boring company to be with. If you were with ones closer to your age, I'm sure you'd find them far more enjoyable."

"And all they care about is snaring a wife or being snared as one," Jaimes shook his head and grinned at his cousin, "No sire, the commoners are the ones for me."

The king shook his head as well, "Very well. If you are going to go into town," his tone turned serious once more and he looked meaningfully at his cousin, "I want to hear everything that you find out."

Jaimes sighed, "Why? You just said that we had nothing to worry about."

"Jaimes," the king gazed at his cousin, "what sort of king would I be if I didn't have some insight on my subjects?"

"I know, but you have various spies for that. I may like the commoners, but even I won't sink that low."

"Jaimes," his voice was consoling, "as a noble,it is your duty to report back to your king."

Jaimes opened his mouth, but the look that Zamias gave him made him close it again, He bowed his head, "Yes sire."

"Good," the king kicked his horse into a gallop as he called back,"get ready to learn."

Jaimes sighed again as everyone followed suit, and he slotted back into his position of guard.

The village gates were missing, a rotting archway was all that had been left. As the entourage rode through, Jaimes glanced up at the worn wood , looking at the various signs of repair that obscured the original, intricate carvings of strange patterns. At the top of the arch was a ring gouged out of the ancient oak, the inside looked younger, less-weathered than the rest, like something from had once filled that gap.

Jaimes frowned as he looked at the oddity, but his gaze was drawn towards the many villagers appearing from around them, coming to meet the group, and the ring was soon put out of his mind as it started to take in the many faces, his curiosity making him gaze without caution. Children gazed in wonder at the handsome horses and rich colours of the nobles, but their parents' faces were of veiled dislike, and when their eyes met Jaimes', their anger burnt into him.

The reports seemed to be right.

These natives weren't happy.


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69 Reviews


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Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:42 am
Tamora says...



I've checked the punctuation, and changed that sentance, but is there anything that seems to make no sense, or anything that I need to note? :?:

:smt059 you guys are a god send!

I'm sorry it takes ages to post, but I'm working on getting the internet at home, for various reasons. The main one being that I need the internet to use the MP3 player that my sister just got me, and it doesn't go without the internet. So once that's set up I'll be typing things up almost as soon as I think of them. :wink: :D




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194 Reviews


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Wed Oct 03, 2007 5:51 pm
greenjay wrote a review...



I only have two suggestions:

1) Read through this and correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar. I know they're horrible :P, but they are necessary.

2) Post more often. I read your last section, but if you're going to keep your reader's attention then your going to have to be faster.

Anyway good job.

-greenie




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565 Reviews


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Wed Oct 03, 2007 11:44 am
Stori says...



K, this needs some work. "He rose an eyebrow" does not work. It should be raised. And did you spell James differently, or is it a new name?





Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
— Albus Dumbledore