End.

Thank you! These last two compliments make me feel great about this story! They mean a lot to me!

I have to say, I really liked this. While it did get really abstract, especailly at the end, I absolutely loved the descriptions. And I definately agree with Sorice about it being publishable.

Wow! I love this short story, and believe some kindergarten teacher somewhere will be reading it soon! (Honestly, it's publishable) I would like to read it again and again, like that picture book in the beginning!(That there was to prove that I actually read it!)

I am going to agree with Kobain, I'm having a hard time seeing this as sci-fi. However, that has no merit on my critique. So, here goes.

1.) I thought the opening line was good. It caught my interest and kept me reading.

2.)It started to get a little...fuzzy, toward the end. By fuzzy I mean as in, like the others said, absrtact.

3.) This is a good one. Keep writing this story, I'll read it. It sounds interseting. Just try to make it sound more like sci-fi.


Overall, good job.

I did like it, but I thought it got very abstract towards the end (as other reviewers have said). I'm not sure what you're trying to say in that last part, and I can't see how this is sci-fi? But simply as a piece of writing I thought it was good, and it kept me reading through to the end.
At least that's what i thought when I first read it...
I think this piece takes tome to gow on you, because, after re-reading it I like, and understand it, a lot more than i did before (But i'm still a little confused by the ending). Despite the confusion etc. i really like this piece. Well done

k

PS Although i can see where chaplin90 is coming from, I have to say that i didn't think of it as cheesey before you mentioned it. It still doesn't alter my enjoyment of the piece though.

I really enjoy reading stories such as this one, and it was no exception. I fully enjoyed reading your story, I wasn't sure about the opening line

"I know what the end of the world smells like.


It smells like a picture book that’s been read hundreds of times but still has the crisp new scent of freshly printed ink. "

I thought it sounded, to use a vulgar phrase, a little cheesy, but everyone else seem to like it and I didn't dislike it but I thought it was boarding cheesy but that's just my view other than that I really enjoyed it. Well done.

Xena, I don't think you really have an open mind at all. This is an AMAZING ABSTRACT! You really need to just let it flow in your mind, not questioning it. If you do that then this piece is truelly brilliant! It has a very nice flow along with tons of creativity! It has a poem feel but really I couldn't imagine it as a poem. I dunno why. The way it's written seems to fit it perfectly but then again no one's seem it as a poem, and never will... so... yeah.
ANYWAY! Beautiful piece. Very nice, my friend! Keep it up!

this was very...interesting.
the beginning intregued me...but then toward the end I was just like, "What?"
it is extremely abstract, as I'm sure you intended for it to be. it was just really strange. I'm not sure i followed the whole thing at the end, but that might've just been me.
I'll go back and read it again, then,

good job, none the less.
very original.


-GC10

yea i liked it cept for the... end of the world smelling like picture books... kinda.. odd.. like.. the end of the world smells.. like.. toilet paper thats been used hundereds of times but is still white.. you know? but other than that.. i dont know.. good good... cept i was kinda disapointed wehn i wasd readinga dn read over.. swimign gthorugh a cold.. nothing.. i think you putl.. where i thought it was night.. so i was like. oh thats cool.. swimmign trhough a cold night.. but then it was nothing.. and i was like.. eh . i would of used night.. but what the who, hey

I understand what you mean when you say it could have been better as a poem. Although I agree, I just couldn't seem to put it into verse form. So here it stays...

Thankyou for the compliments and reviews.

This was a very beautiful piece. You have wonderful powers of description here. I can't help but wonder if it would be better served as a poem perhaps? If you have no desire to do that, then it is great as it is.

Yeah, the ending got a little abstract. I didn't completely follow it at the end. Perhaps if I think about it a little I'll understand. Anyway, I was very intrigued at the very beginning. It wasn't cliched. I thought that the star thing was really interesting, though I didn't completely understand it. Overall, you're writing's good and the story is original.

Thankyou for the review.

Wow! What an opening line. Drags me in, that's for sure.

Suddenly, in the corner of my vision, I see a light swim by me. Then there’s another, and another. After enough go by, I realize that I am one of these stars, and I swim faster in order to catch up.