Wish She Would've

Hey, thanks so much guys.
I really do agree with you about the forced lengthy line. I can't remember what made me ultimately decide to stick with it, but I can just hear Keith Urban or Brad Paisley's voice croon it with a little more swiftness than the rest of the lines, and that's sort of where I imagine volume and speed building up before it falls a bit again.
Still, I like tigress's suggestion of making the first four lines of my chorus a bridge and starting the chorus with the longer line.

Thanks again for the input.

Hi Tale!

I must say, I really liked these lyrics! Seriously, they're way better than most of what's on the charts right now. They're catchy, have a nice rhythm, and I could almost hear the music that would go along with it.

I do agree with Snoink, though, that those two lines were a bit forced. To me it seemed like you squished all of that into one line to avoid making the chorus seem too long. I may be wrong, but that's what it seemed like. Maybe try having the chorus start at "If I'd said" and turn the four lines before it into a bridge.

Really great lyrics though, and if this is any indication, you definitely have a talent for writing songs!

Hey Tale!

I didn't read your note at first and I was thinking, "Wow, these would be great lyrics, if they were in a country song!" And then I read your note and it made me happy.

Anyway, my main comment would be these two lines:

If I'd said, "Tell me how you feel, is there something I can do, do you wanna go for a drive - And do absolutely nothin' but ride down the back-roads and talk until the moon is high...?"

....they seem a little forced! Like, everything else sounds cool, but what a mouthful here! So I would see if I could condense it a bit.

Still! I liked it lots.