Timmy hereee
Okay, so even though this piece has been removed from the Green Room, I'm still going to review it for you. <3 You deserveee it.
This does feel like it could have been a blog post rather than a literary work, as it fees more like a release of opinion and emotions rather than a constructed essay meant to deliver a message. One thing I do love about this piece, though, is that it was written on the spur of the moment and you did no planning! While that can create a scatter-brained piece sometimes, I thought it brought out quite a bit of your artistic talents and some truly beautiful sentences that might not have been if this hadn't just been a release from your mind to paper. I love this. ^^
First note: You use the word strange too much. Look up synonyms or just use those words less. If you use the same word over and over again, you lose the affect it may have had in the beginning. So, especially in places like this, use that word seldom so you retain the effect. c:
That's why the word "strange" gives us goosebumps
This might be a slight exaggeration of the point you're trying to make here. Always keep things in perspective while writing; your readers can tell when you're stating a fact and exaggerating one.
"Your choice is weird".
Or,
Nope. I know this was basically just you writing whatever that came to mind, but remember to keep a strong format while writing. Odd choices like what you did above stick out in a piece quite a bit, especially as this is still an "essay". It should have the format of one. I love how this came to you, though - just writing whatever comes to mind. Your creativity truly shows throughout this.
If you have gone through this, you will definitely think that you are weird. And if you haven't gone through this, you will think that, too.
Is this a case of doomed if you do, doomed if you don't? The second sentence contradicts the first, as you say that they're weird if they've gone through this... but also weird if they haven't? So you're just calling everyone weird, are you? I think you need to rewrite this part and make it more clear what you're trying to say. Again, I understand that this was a spur of the moment thing, unedited... and that's amazing <3
THIS IS BEING HUMAN!!!!
Okayyy, now that you've finished shouting at us... xDD A general rule in writing is no capitals at all. The same applies for using bold, as a rule. What you should do if you need emphasis on a certain word or phrase, instead of capitalizing you should simply italicize it. Much neater and is the correct way of doing things. c:
And I also know that my writing is the most boring thing that you have ever read.
Ouch. This is the perfect way to destroy your own writing, which had me intrigued before this sentence. If there's one thing you should never do, it's critique your own writing in the middle of the piece! Not only does it take our attention from the story or message you're sending us, but it also takes us away from the piece to critique what you're writing. We may have not noticed anything before this, but now we're certainly going to be looking at your piece in a different light. Never do this. Allow your reader to be caught inside your story or essay and present them no reason to think anything other than that your piece is wonderful. c:
Then, of coarse,
*course
So what you have here is a wonderful idea: a heartfelt message to people that being strange isn't a bad thing, to chase their dreams, and to look at themselves in the mirror tonight and imagine what they want to be in 2016. Perfect - I love this! <3 Buuuut what you have here is as rough of a draft as you can get with an essay, especially since you wrote this on the spur of the moment, with no planning and written more as a blog post. I actually think you should rewrite this, because the message you're presenting is amazing and I love it. Also, many different sentences and ideas within this piece are inspirational. If you do rewrite this, please tell me? I'd love to review it. c:
By the way, this is my 1000th review. You should feel speciaaaal.
~Darth Timmyjake
Points: 13831
Reviews: 1007
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