Rico's Adventures: Rico and the Magic Ring
This tale began of a warm sunny day when Rico, a young boy around age seven was wandering on the beach in the year XX26. As he wandered along he found a small ring in the sand as if it had been left there by someone. Rico even though stealing isn't good, this ring was left half buried in the sand whoever lost it is most likely looking for it so he put it in his left pocket of his pants. When he went into town that day there was an old man wandering around asking people if they had seen his ring. Rico went up to the old man and said "Excuse me sir, but I found his on the beach, could this be yours?" The old man smiled happily "Yes, thank you my boy. If you ever need any help with something come and find me, I live up in the old house on the hill."
Rico who now recognized the old man as the one that lives up on the hill. And remembered hearing some strange rumors about him. Although rumors are never like the truth. Rico being the kind boy that he is, the next day went up on top of the hill. He didn't need anything, no, he wanted to visit the old man. He seemed like an interesting person. Who knows maybe he can give Rico some advice on what he might want to be when he grows up. He went up to the old house. It was worn and the gate was falling apart. So was the fence. Even worse was the garden that might've been at one time very beautiful, it is now withered and sits untouched by humans.
After knocking the old man opened the door "Ah, hello is there anything that you need?" Rico shook his head and gave a kind smile "No sir, today I was wondering if I could hang out with you?" The old man leaned his head back and laughed. "Well then, please come in and have a seat." The old man smiled and sat down across the table from Rico. "Hold out your hand." Rico, though confused put his hand out. The old man dropped a small round object into his hand. It was the ring that Rico had found yesterday. "This old thing has been in my family for generations, sadly I am the last of my family with no children or grandchildren. So i'm giving it to you, maybe it will bring you good fortune one day after all it is a magic ring." Rico cocked his head curiously "Magic ring?" he asked as if this was the most interesting thing in the world. "Yes a magic ring, although magic doesn't exist it is said that this ring brings people together, like how I lost it and you brought it back to me and look at us now talking like we've known each other for ages." Rico nodded.
Was it really a magic ring? or was the old man telling stories "That ring is what brought my mother and father together as well. But that is a story for another time." Rico after hearing many more reasons why the ring is magic he really started to believe that it was. Maybe it would lead him to more good fortune in the future. Honestly, who really knows.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Really enjoyed reading this. *thumbs up*
Hey there! Lovely story you have here.
First the ever boring and annoying nitpicks:
This is the second time you use wander closely, and this can hinder the flow of your writing. A trusty thesaurus will give you a quick fix.
The structure of this sentence is really confusing. This is my suggested rewrite:
Rico, grabbing it, put it into the left pocket of his pants. He knows stealing isn't right, but nevertheless, this ring was left buried in the sand and whoever lost it is most likely looking for it.
Additionally, all dialogue should start a new paragraph whenever there is a new speaker.
My final suggestion, although a sorta large edit is I feel this whole story would flow better in past tense. Present tense can work with third person, but for this story, it doesn't seem to completely fit.
I enjoyed reading this cute little story though, and I hope to see more of your writing around. I hope this review is helpful to you in your writing endeavors.
Sláinte -Junel
Sorry but I can%u2019t fix the art about wandering because that part is normal a
Though I will fix the part about him picking up the ring. Plus not all dialogue needs to have its own place, just saying that is how the story was meant to be. Of course my writing still needs improvement I just feel like doing that would ruin the whole feel of my short story. I understand your thought and I don%u2019t want to come off as rude but sometimes things like this, even though other writers might not like specific details but people that aren%u2019t writers sometimes have difficulty reading 5hings that was too complicated or advanced. Again not trying to be rude.
Thanks for your review thoug!
This short story is amazing! The plot and concept can branch off into other related stories. One thing I would point out is your grammar. You tend to mix up words, and autocorrect may be to blame, but editing can help with that!
Anyway, adorable little Rico might have more adventures and meet new people with that ring. It's up to you to write more. Have a wonderful morning, afternoon, evening, or night.
Thanks, I will be sure to look at that. And yes I do plan to send Rico on more adventures.