A flash—ignite! Burn the heavens!
Tear that foul streak across the sky!
Down here I stare up as it deadens,
And I can’t bring myself to cry.
The spark implodes, a fate fulfilled,
Humanity will learn to die.
Expounded with mass murder, skilled,
And I can’t bring myself to cry.
Somewhere here--the plea is distant--
Something weak is found to survive.
Extinguished swift by rage persistent,
And I can’t bring myself to cry.
Mangled swaths adorn the landscape,
Protrusions that repel the eye!
Labor of hate, mankind's foul rape,
And I can't bring myself to cry.
Somehow it feels a just reward,
What we deserve for every lie,
But yet it strikes a saddened chord,
And I can’t bring myself to cry.
Regret! Oh, yes! It’s there to see!
Yet sorrow leads no guilt awry,
Shame does not end what came to be,
And for this, alone, I shall cry.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
really good man... idea was great, words were great, imagery was stunning
- beautiful
very apocalyptic and such
rhyme and rhytm was excellent: the flow you generated gave me the feeling that we were in a big sphere rolling downhill towards destruction... a juggernautical (its a word NOW ok) sort of unstoppbable feel that lends to theme of this piece.
I think that is when you know you have written something great.. when the rhythm and flow actually matches the idea you are trying to get across
but I cannot express my hatred enough for the last line. It was soooo good until then. Like I see you what you are saying... but it kinda crash-landed the whole poem in my eyes. This is just a personal thing though so no worries. If its what you wanna say say by all means - that's what poetry is about. But maybe you could add another stanza explaining this a bit more... cos atm it sort of weakens the rest of the poem due to the contradiction.
Don't get me wrong, it is a brilliant piece of work and you shall most definitely recieve a coveted gold star, its just because it is so good that I am being so harsh...
I want to read more.
^_^ Tanner John Evans, I've taken to a bit of stalking for you. Consider it a compliment rather than creepiness, yes?
I suppose I have to let you in on my recent thoughts before telling you what I thought of the poem, as they lend to my opinion. I was, not an hour ago, reading Jane Eyre and found the crossroads between determination and giving in to be an interesting point in literature. So often... SO often the character gives in to what they want. I suppose, in some ways, this is only human nature, but it also, at times, seems very cliche. :C Which is why, though I acknowledge the title as 'contradiction', the deviance at the end kind of annoys me! =P I love the poem. Even up to the penultimate line, I love the deeper message. Just resist the urge to cry! -spazzes out- =] Hmmmm, that's my two cents. Now for a few little things:
I think your punctuation here could be better. Period at the end of the first line, colon at the end of the second, period at the end of the third. That's the way I read it, anyways. ^_^
I think the second line needs to be reworked! It might fit, you know, but... it doesn't sound right when I try to read it out loud or silently. >_<; Maybe 'something weak will yet survive' or something like that? ^_^
LOVE the internal rhyme-y thing here. ^_^
And this might be my favorite stanza.
<3 LOVE! Please write more, I will be stalking for it~
-Hannah-
Wow.
This was very very good.
I love the message, and how real it all sounded.
I'm not exactly sure what a swath is, but thats the only thing that confused me.
Beautiful, my friend, beautiful.
Keep it up.
TJ:
-Storm
Wow! Since you said you liked poems so much i decided to check one out.
Wow! I liked this, even if i didn't quite understand what it was about.
*gold star*
Sorry this isn't much of a review but like i said, I've never done poetry. Anyways i liked it a lot, you're really good at writing poetry.