18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Why Do You Get To Drive? (Chapter 2)

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Chapter 2 - Interrupted Breakfast

Atz groaned, holding his forearm over his eyes as sun shone in through the open trunk. He'd fallen asleep and awoke to being prodded harshly in the side. He sat up, rubbing his neck. "That was the worst nap ever."

"Get out before people see you." He looked up. A man- he assumed it was the zombie man -looked left and right, watching for any passersby.

His hair was black and his eyes were a shocking shade of yellow. Not that Atz could say much. Having crimson red eyes wasn't really the norm either.

Atz climbed out of the trunk, stumbling over himself as his feet hit the pavement. His legs had fallen asleep and refused to hold his weight, causing him to fall into the man. He looked up to a very unpleasant face. He gave a nervous grin in return.

"Oh, hi."

The man shoved him off and walked away, with a disgruntled, "Don't touch me."

Atz leaned against the car, shaking his legs awake. He watched the man walk across the nearly empty parking lot towards a food establishment going by the name, 'Bebe's Best BBQ'. The exterior paint job was that of an unattractive, sun bleached blue, with large windows that had posters and decorations stuck to them advertising some of the best things on the menu.

Atz wondered if he should just stay in the car. Maybe attempt to hot wire it and get the hell out of there. But the obnoxious whale-like noises his stomach was making told him to do otherwise. He sighed and slammed the trunk shut before jogging to catch up with the man. "So, I never got your name."

The two walked up to the entrance and the man opened the door, practically shoving Atz in and following after. Inside, the walls were painted a darker shade of blue than the walls outside. The flooring was a checkered tile of black and white, and the seats were all white with red cushions. It looked like a cliché diner from a movie taking place in a small town. "Nefix." The man answered as they both sat down on red cushioned stools at the porcelain counter.

Atz looked at him. "Nefix." He echoed. Freakishly tall man locked in the trunk of a stolen vehicle with weird colored eyes and a strange name. Atz wanted to say there was something wrong about this guy. But it wasn't like red eyes weren't weird and his name wasn't the most common either... 'I'm not a giant, though.'

After that, the two sat together quietly. with the exception of when they'd ordered their food. Bebe's was only serving breakfast, so Atz had ordered himself a plate of eggs and a cup of coffee. While Nefix dissected a blueberry muffin and had already downed two cups of orange juice. Atz shifted and squirmed in his seat. The unnerving silence was making him profusely uncomfortable. And the stiff cushion of the stool was making his butt hurt.

"How come you were in the trunk of that car?" Atz blurted, desperate to talk about something- anything! Nefix looked up from his muffin, on his face was a small trace of... surprise, was it? Atz didn't have time to tell before it was covered up by a nasty scowl.

"I could be asking you that same question."

Atz raised an eyebrow. "I was in the trunk 'cause you locked me-"

"Not why you were in the trunk!" Nefix snapped. "I want to know why the hell /you/ took /me/!" Atz caught the woman in the kitchen watching the two. When their eyes met, she quickly looked away. Nefix seemed to notice this exchange of stares and sighed, going back to picking his muffin apart. "Just shut up and eat." He ordered. And Atz did as he was told.

Atz had almost finished off his plate of eggs when Nefix got up. "I'll be right back," He said, walking away. Atz nodded, not even bothering to look up from his food. That is until a piece of paper slipped over to him. Messy cursive writing in green ink was scrawled across an order sheet. 'Is it safe to talk?'

He looked up at the worried face of the woman from the kitchen, glancing around for who he assumed was Nefix. He nodded.

"I don't see why it wouldn't be." Atz said. She looked at him, nodding quickly and mumbling. She leaned forward.

"Is he some kind of criminal? A murderer? A terrorist?!" She asked in a hushed tone, looking over to where Nefix and disappeared. "I can help you get away from him. You're a hostage, right?"

Atz stared at her blankly. Was he a hostage? No. He was getting several opportunities to escape. "He's not a criminal." He answered dully.

"Is he making you cover for him?" The woman's prying was getting annoying. So Atz went back to his food without another word, and didn't acknowledge her when she spoke to him again. He'd just finished off his cup of coffee when something grabbed the back of his shirt, jerking him out of his seat.

"We need to go." Nefix hissed, pulling Atz to the entrance. Two large men were walking up from the entrance. When Nefix saw them, he turned around, ducking his head. "Just act natural."

"I don't think being held up and drug around by a hefty, angry looking guy is helping me achieve 'natural'." Atz laughed humorlessly. "Oh, and the cook thinks you're a murderer."

"What?!"

"Yeah, or a terrorist. She's on the phone in the kitchen at the moment. Probably calling the police."

Nefix let go of his shirt, rubbing his eyes and groaning. "Whatever. That doesn't matter, we need to go." He started walking slowly to the back of the diner, Atz following close behind.

"Are those friends of yours?" Atz whispered. Nefix opened his mouth, as if to answer. But he was cut off by the loud sound of gunshots, glass shattering and the high pitched shriek from the cook. Instinctively, Atz dived for the nearest thing that could be used as cover. He ducked his head as the gunshots continued, ringing in his ear. ‘Definitely friends of his.’

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:09 pm

Deanie here again!

Hehe, I like this chapter even more than the first! You put humor into your writing, as well as telling the story. It was kind of bugging me that we were getting no answers but that isn't critique to your work, it's just me being me! I actually like how the reader doesn't have any answers yet so you're keeping them guessing. And now it looks like there is going to be some confrontation with a bad crowd... maybe we'll learn more about Nefix as well!

Atz mentions that Nefix is a rather absurd name... but his doesn't sound too normal either! Where can they be where Atz is a normal name and Nefix isn't? :P I also love how we got that description of Nefix I was asking for in the previous chapter! I have another load of nitpicks for you, hehe...

"So, I never got your name."


So, this is a toughie. It can be a sentence... but then some people see it as a question as well. So what I would do is put it like this: I never got your name... that way it sounds like he is wandering off at the end of the sentence so Nefix can answer it if he wishes to.

sat together quietly. with the exception of when they'd ordered their food


Hmm... like the previous chapter, why the random full stop?

so Atz had ordered himself a plate of eggs and a cup of coffee. While Nefix dissected a blueberry muffin and


I know this looks like a long sentence now, but there shouldn't be a full stop there. It should just continue on. Maybe split it into two sentences another way if you feel it runs on too much.

when something grabbed the back of his shirt,


I think someone would be more appropriate here. I almost thought you were referring to dinner lady girl. I liked how she was so willing to help even though she did kind of get it wrong...

The voice of your characters are so strong and continue to amuse me. You've included things I missed in the previous chapter like descriptions, setting and still managed to keep good dialogue and pacing. I think this chapter has it all really, and there is nothing negative I would add! Keep it up :)

Also, please do message me on my wall when you post chapter 3! I would love to keep track of this story and keep reading it!

Deanie x

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Sun Apr 27, 2014 2:35 am

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

I really like how you slip some comedy into your story as you go. Especially at the end. It isn't any huge spot of comedy, but it's enough to make me chuckle. And with such a dark story, that's always a good thing. Well, I'm not sure if it's going to be a dark story from here on out, but it sure seems a bit dark now.

You've done a good job with your imagery here. I like the way you described the sunlight shining down on him once the trunk opened. It makes sense that he would have to adjust to the sunlight after being locked in the trunk for so long.

Oh, one thing that I think is a bit unrealistic here is that Atz survived a whole night, or longer, locked in a trunk. If that happened in real life, he would be dead. It makes sense that the zombie would survive 'cause he's not alive. But Atz wouldn't be able to survive without air. Just something to think about.

Another thing that I think is a bit unrealistic is that Atz agrees to go out to eat with the zombie. Wouldn't he be a bit freaked out and try to escape? It seems a bit strange that they suddenly become instant friends. Then Atz defends the zombie later on. Why?

Let me know when the next chapter comes out!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**



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