Why Do You Get To Drive? (Chapter 1)

by Sylar14

Published April 24, 2014

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Chapter 1 - Robberies and Zombies

Atz tried to control his trembling hand as he backed up toward the entrance. Someone moved in the corner of his eye, he spun around to wave his Glock 9mm at them. It was a woman. She whimpered and shrank back.

"Nobody move until I've left!" He screamed. It echoed through the small convenience store. He glanced down momentarily, making sure brown bag was still there intact. He swallowed hard. Shouldering the door open, he backed up into the parking lot. He looked around frantically for his car. Spotting it, he let the gun fall from his grasp and onto the concrete sidewalk so he could scramble over to the vehicle and jump inside. The engine was running; the seats were worn and ripped; the carpet was covered in food and... was that blood!? It didn't take him long to realize this was not his vehicle.

"This isn't my car!" Atz practically shrieked. "Not my car! Not my car!" He looked up to see people exiting the convenience store, pointing in his direction. Some were talking on their cellphones while others held theirs up, seeming to be taking videos. "Screw it. It's my car now." He shifted gear into reverse, backing out of the parking lot, then shifted into drive and sped off.

The sun had gone down and Atz had found himself lost on a deserted dirt road in the middle of nowhere, running low on gas. As he continued through the dark, the car suddenly jerked and shook, making obnoxious screeching noises before it sputtered to a halt.

He frowned and turned the key, shutting off the engine, leaving the key in the ignition as he got out of the car to investigate. It was difficult to see in the dark, but evident that his tire had blown out. He stared at it for a long moment, taking in the misfortune. With a loud groan, he hit his head against the car door.

"Why me." He whined under his breath, hitting his head against the car again with each syllable. "Whoever's car this is. You had better have a spare tire or something." He made his way to the back of the car, groping for a button or something to open the trunk. When he found it, the trunk lid flew open, smacking him in the face. He stumbled back, holding his nose. "Ow, ow, ow." Blood trickled from his nostrils onto his hand. "That's just great!" He yelled, "Flat tire," He felt around inside the trunk, "Bloody nose," His hand touched what felt like... clothes? And skin? Flesh?! Human flesh!? "And there's a dead body in the-?!" A cold hand wrapped around his wrist, coaxing a loud, incoherent noise from his throat as he was tugged into the trunk. "SHIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL ZOMBIES!" Atz screamed, flailing like a fish out of water. The 'zombie' pinned him down inside the trunk. "I WASN'T PREPARED FOR THIS! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

"Shut up." The 'zombie' hissed. It was a man. Definitely a man. Atz stopped moving, biting his lip to cease his hysterical screeching. "Who the hell are you." The man asked. "And where are we?" Atz contemplated whether he should answer, or if he should stay quiet so he could make some sassy comment later about being told to shut up. One of the man's hands left Atz's wrist and came to his throat; his freezing fingers tightening around his neck. "Answer me." It was enough persuasion to make Atz let go of the opportunity to sass someone and speak up.

"I'm Atz. And I have no idea where we are. I kinda got lost." Atz wheezed.

"Why the fuck would you take me if you didn't know where you were going?!"

Atz didn't answer at first. So he'd stolen a car with a kidnapped person inside? Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. Add that onto the list of all his misfortune. "I didn't take you." He protested. He whined as the man's hand tightened even more. "I stole this car! Technically-" He stopped short to try and breathe. "Technically I rescued you." White dots outlined the corners of his vision. "I think I'm gonna pass out." He breathed weakly. The man took his hand away and Atz inhaled like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. The trunk door slammed shut; a dim, red light being the only source of illumination in the dark. He froze. Did that zombie man just lock him in the trunk?

"My luck is just coming in handfuls today." Atz grumbled as he felt around the trunk. A grin spread across his face as he took hold of what he was positive was a tire. "That murderous zombie man can't go anywhere without this." Just then, the trunk opened again. Atz opened his mouth- finding yet another opportunity to use his sass. But the tire was snatched away and the trunk was slammed shut once again before he could utter a word. He laid there in the trunk, silent, mouth agape and his hands clenched as if he were still holding onto that tire. "I think I'm gonna cry." He whimpered.

He collected himself before doing his best to roll onto his side in the confined space of the trunk. He squinted, looking around the trunk in an attempt to find the trunk release. Unfortunately- unlike most trunk releases -he couldn't see it glowing in the dim red lighting. "Please be here." He said, patting the trunk down. The car started and the vehicle began moving. He let out a triumphant cheer as he found the trunk release. He pulled it down. His hopes for escape were dashed when the trunk release didn't work. He tried it again; nothing. He hit the back of his head on the floor. "I hate life. I hate life so much."

The only thing he could do now was wait, and hope that the man eventually let him out of the trunk…

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2014

Hey there Sylar! Happy review day!

I have to say, I picked this story by random choice. I love your flow when it comes to writing, it's so fluid and it sounds like exactly how I would imagine Atz to be acting and thinking. I also really like the name Atz - unique, simple and not too hard to pronounce ;)

I have a few small nitpicks for you so I am going to start with those first.

Someone moved in the corner of his eye, he spun around to wave his Glock 9mm at them.


A comma is not a replacement for a connecting word. Sure you can have a comma to pause there but it might not be necessary if we add the word 'and'.

making sure brown bag was still there intact


You're forgetting the word 'the' here. The brown bag.

"Why me."

"Who the hell are you."


Even though those are both in dialogue and one isn't the end of one persons speech, they are both questions and both need question marks to be correct.

"Whoever's car this is. You had better have a spare tire or something."


Why have you got a full stop in the middle of the sentence? It would be better to replace the full stop with a comma instead.

When he was shoplifting or stealing he dropped the gun outside before getting into the vehicle, which is not the smartest thing to so do at all. Firstly, the police will be using it as evidence to identify him, and lastly, anyone could've run out, picked it up and put him on the spot instead? So maybe he shouldn't be dropping the gun outside but in the car instead, to be on the safe side.

I got a bit confused. Atz is now trapped in the trunk with the zombie man right? Or did the zombie man get out somehow and trap Atz in there, leaving him behind? You should make this a bit more clear so I know what happened exactly, whether they switched roles or if they are in there together. If they are, maybe Atz should get to know his companion better :D

Maybe we will know in future chapters, but I am pretty curious to find out why he was robbing a shop or whichever place he was. There has to be a good reason!

I am also looking forwards to knowing what Atz looks like, you've kind of not given him too much description yet. Zombie man could do with it too. Because although it is frightening to suddenly find a random guy in the trunk, there must be some features about him in particular that made him look zombie-ish. It also might be useful to know where this is all going down, what country or town or something.

Your pacing is brilliant! Also, we're left wondering where Atz will be going now, and used for. It's a very interesting beginning to a novel and you sure have captured my attention! I look forwards to hearing more from Atz. I will go read the second chapter soon!

Deanie x

I always get so overexcited when people do reviews!
Thank you very much for the review and the pointers! I'll make sure to go through this chapter and fix what everyone had pointed out to me. (I'm so lazy when it comes to editing and I just procrastinate and put it off forever. Heh... I should stop doing that...)

The things your pointing out seem so obvious!! I should have seen them!

As for describing people... Maybe I should take back the fact that Atz thinks the dude in the trunk is a zombie, because people seem to think that the guy is ACTUALLY a zombie and that this is gonna be like Warm Bodies or something. DX Nooope. Not what I'm aiming for. Not at all.

Again, thank you! A lot!! I'll get to fixing everything as soon as possible!

~Sylar

Deanie replied · Apr 27, 2014

Hehe I get just as excited as well! :D

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2014

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

I had some crazy deja-vu as I was reading this. I felt like I had reviewed this before. But in all truth, I had read it when you first posted it and I never got around to reviewing it. I'm here now though! :)

I'm going to start out with your ending because I think it's an awesome ending. Seriously, how much creepier can you get?! First this guy wants to rob this store. Then he's trying to get away and ends up getting in the wrong car. Now as luck would have it, he's found a zombie in the trunk and now he's locked in the trunk. It sounds like a right predicament to me. I like the way that you described the ending. Instead of just saying that he got shoved in the trunk, you went into great detail. There wasn't much detail, but it was enough to get your point across. I could really feel the fear and panic that the main character was feeling while he's stuck in the trunk.

Now onto the beginning. I like the way you wrote the robbery scene. It's quite realistic. I'm sure that he would run into some trouble along the way. He most definitely hadn't robbed any place before because of his trembling hand. Either that or he was just real nervous for this particular robbery. It adds some comedy there that he can't find his own car. I think he's so nervous that he gets mixed up.

Alright then, onto the next chapter!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
Senjiku Review
Senjiku wrote a review Review · Apr 25, 2014

Hello I'm glad I got to read this. I'm Hacars or Hanta, your choice of preference.
Now I'll start my review so please do not take anything to heart if it sounds insulting. So I noticed in the beginning that he was in a convenience store. What brought him there? Like what kind of situation brought him to that point? After he leaves why doesn't he keep the gun? His fingerprints are on the gun, I mean I personally knew at about age nine that you never leave the gun. Then he runs and enters the vehicle that appears to be his vehicle. What kind of vehicle was it? Why did he immediately notice the blood? Was it a large pool of blood? Last question is who left the car? That of course is part of the suspense. I'm sure we'll find out later right ^-^. Well I don't see too many grammar errors, but that's not coming from the best of writers! I have many problems with my story and sadly I'm getting worse with each review apparently. The details are good I'm able to imagine the characters quite well and that I like.

Thanks for writing I'll be sure to read the next one when I get time to. Please keep writing so I can keep reading.

The reason Atz left the gun was, I was trying to show that he was reckless and inexperienced and that this was something he didn't do often. The reason why he's there should be explained later on. If I don't explain it, I'll make sure to come back to this chapter and add it in!

I didn't think it was necessary to point out what kind of car it was. Hmm. I supposed it is... I'll make sure to go over it and fix it accordingly. And I'll make sure to add in better descriptions about the blood and such!

I appreciate your input!
I got really excited when I saw someone left a review. Heh.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review!



Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead