I found the fabled serpent
in a world seemingly devoid of evil,
within endless fields
of scattered clovers
that danced restlessly to the hollow waltz
of Earth's very heart.
However, my eyes would never gaze upon
the luck I so desired.
It was instead found
among precious emeralds
veiled in raven hair.
And alike to the clovers,
It seemed you possessed
an ancillary heart,
two souls irreconcilable
between comedy and tragedy.
Where limber fingers etched
around my perception of intimacy.
Where decaying ambition became overwhelmed
by the fetor of greed.
Where Pride warred tirelessly with Envy,
and Hope drowned in neglected seas
asphyxiated with the pollution of those
who only know lust.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Thanks for sharing wonderfully visually vivid poem about the heartbreak involved when one realizes that the love one thought genuine turns out to be flawed.
Brief Summary
The imagery transports the reader into endless fields of clover where a search for a happy future is made. But the earth’s heartbeat rings hollow there. Instead happiness seems to appear in the raven hair decorated by emeralds that resemble clovers. But that is an illusion. The raven-haired person has two hearts and two souls or contradictory personalities at war with each other. One is lustful, prideful, envious. So the seeker of happiness suffocates from association with such a person.
My understanding:
The poem seems to be describing a very common experience which causes heartbreak, finding out that the person we thought noble was actually the opposite. Finding out that the hope for happiness fulfilled that we entertained had all been in vain. Discovering that we wasted precious time in following an illusion of our own creation.
Suggestions:
Punctuation
. . . . in a world seemingly devoid of evil[,]
[w]ithin endless fields . . . .
However[,]my eyes . . . .
And alike to the clovers[.]
an ancillary heart[,]
[t]wo souls irreconcilable . . . .
. . . . between comedy and tragedy[,]
[w]here limber fingers etched . . . .
. . . . of intimacy, [w]here decaying ambition . . . .
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
,
Wow, thank you so much!!
Wassup!
First of all, welcome to this site! It's always super exciting when new people come because there's just that much more creativity, you know? Anyways, I'm glad you're here and if you ever need anything, I gotchu! But let's talk about your writing, yeah?
You, my friend, I feel write so much ease and feeling. Your hard work transforms itself into an excellent, and yet seemingly so effortless, work of art. The imagery this piece holds onto is probably the most beautiful and powerful part of the poem as a whole for me. It was absolutely amazing! Usually when I am choosing a poem to read the title is the most obvious thing to look at first. So, I base my first impression off of the title a lot of the times (which can be unfair to some who create amazing things amidst a not-so-eye catching title). However, yours stood out.
Green. It seems so simple and yet there is such a punch behind it. As I began to read the first thought that went through my head was the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I'm not sure if you are religious or not, but that's beside the point really. I may be on a complete opposite trail to what you intended this story to be, but that's what's so great about poetry. It's flexible. It's able to form into any shape unique minds can manage. Your poem has that power. That punch.
Again, I'm not really sure what kind of review you are looking for here. However, mine is that you should keep writing. Keep making what so many make hard seem effortless! You have so so much talent and I can't wait to read more from you! I hope you have a great weekend and enjoy yourself!
You're goin places, honey!
xoxo
Anna
Thank you so much! I have several other poems that I've written with titles and theme relating to colors alike to this one, i just haven't gotten around to publishing them. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work! I appreciate it so much!