Her words burn like fire,
the hatred she has ommited
sticks as glue
to my memory bank of
hurting words
I delve into the creaking
shelves of haunting dialogues
and review each
spiteful remark
find the latest insult
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
nice poem try to work harder on it
You seem to write poety the way I do in some sense. At least this piece. you speak from the way you feel. though you make a lot better poem than me.
I think the third and fourth stanzas should be revised, or rewritten, they seem a bit immature and annoying,but overall I like the narration, and I very much enjoyed reading the first two stanzas;they sort of sucked me in I guess. =)happy reading(=
Hmmm...
At the moment, it's still a little abstract, so you have these bitter feelings, but they have nothing to hook onto. I would love to see the antagonist come into the poem more.
I think this poem might be better as a narrative poem. That is, you're describing a story instead of feelings.
For instance, what if the narrator (forgive me if the narrator is you... I can never be too sure about these things!) belittles this woman? What does she look like? What does she act like? By giving us a better picture of who the antagonist of the poem is, you'll help give us a picture of who the narrator is and help us identify with her more.
Hope that helps!