This isn't serious or anything, just a bit of fun. I had the song 'Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches' stuck in my head and I wrote this weird rhyme thing. If you don't know the song 'Miss Lucy...' it's the same tune as the school playground song/clapping game thing 'My boyfriend gave me an apple.'
Ellima had a kni-ife,
Luthando had a gun,
Tokato stay-ayed up all night,
So Sam couldn’t-
Run now for your li-ife
It's coming closer still
You'd better stay away from her
She's coming for the-
Killing for a living,
You may think it is fun,
But when Ellima frees them all
Your life will be un-
Done is what she wanted
Alive is what she needs
Without her trusty ravens,
There’s no one left to-
Bleeding stupid princess
Who cannot just obey,
The orders that she’s given,
For help she’d better-
Praying that she’ll make it,
That she will last the night.
Hope that there’s no ravens,
Or she’ll get a nasty-
Frightfully disgusting,
Hopelessly distraught,
If Ellima carries on like this,
She’s sure now to be-
Caught by dear Leilanai,
Samuel fits the bill,
And if there’s no more heroes,
Then young ‘thando will be-
Killed for a wedding,
Killed for the spoils,
Things are much better now,
Without damn Lover-
Boy, I’d love revenge,
It’d certainly be nice,
Without all the rebellion,
I would conquer Ingland-
Thrice is now the number,
Of heroes brave and true.
Without the villainess we’ve got,
Three children without-
Youth can be a blessing,
Youth can be a curse,
The young ones can be tricky,
Stop them stealing from your-
Purse your lips in anger,
Daughter’s run away,
She’ll never marry Rozar now,
Until her dying Day!
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Great Poem. I like the fact that the last word of each stanza is the beginning of another. Are you suggesting there is never an end to anything? Maybe not ... but cool insight, isn't it?
The rhythm was quite awkward to read at times; especially stanza ten:
Boy, I’d love revenge,
It’d certainly be nice,
Without a re-bel-lion,
I’d conquer Ingland-
It's mainly just the last two lines; it doesn't match the rhythm; unless you have you own way of reading it which I, and probably many other readers, are yet to be aware of this. If not, maybe you should reword it.
I'm not sure how you spell 'England', but it's definitely not with an 'I'
Overall, great poem (as I had stated before). Keep up making these strange yet highly amusing songs!
PS: Is this a review? Because if it is, this is my first ever! Yay! (I better get some points for this!)
PSS: I did get points! 50 in total! Yay XD ...
This was really good, i liked the rhythm and the lyrics (i understand the quotes), although the rhythm was dodgy in some places.
But overall it was really good, (lol Sam couldn't RunGracias!
Yeah, you're right, the rhythm is a bit off sometimes. But I did write this in about ten minutes, so I didn't really read through it XD I'll try and edit this soon.
Oh, and I spelt it Ingland because in my book all place names are spelt differently to the normal real world versions. London, England becomes Lundan, Ingland. Don't worry, I'm not insane XD
This was kind of creepy, but I like it for some morbid reason. The whole thing sounded so innocent, yet scary at the same time. I love it.
There are a few issues with the rhythm in some parts. For example, here:
This line seems a bit too short in my opinion. Maybe you should get rid of the contraction and write out both words in full. Other wise, this was a lovely song. I remember seeing one of these somewhere, I just can't remember. I love this type of song but they're terribly hard to write. This is morbidly cute.
Omg that was cool. I really liked the way that you had the answer to the word at the end of one verse as the first word of the next.
Where it goes
"Boy, I’d love revenge,
It’d certainly be nice,
Without a re-bel-lion,
I’d conquer Ingland- "
If that is supposed to be England then it's spelt with an E not an I. Just so you know.
I really liked it! It was good!
Thanks XD But I hope someone figures out what it's about. (My Book!)
LOL, I didn't get the song but it still sounds so cool! I don't know why.
Hmm.. hehe I don't get it either but I really just enjoyed anyway for some reason.
Those little rhyming things are fun to me. And, I really don't have anything else to say about it seeing as I don't really understand what its all about besides that it seems like a tragedy. Awesome anyway. 
My friends Alldays151 and Body561 want to say you are the best author in the whole wide world and they want you to publish the current book you are writing. I, however, think you suck XD Teehee ..
Yeah, I sucked at the whole humour thing. XD It's really just a song for people who know me very well/ or are me, so I wouldn't worry that you didn't get it. It was supposed to be one of those ridiculously long school playground ryyme things, that would be sung about a hero or legend, which in this case was the main character of my novel. (I suppose I shoudl have said that in the first place?) XD
Thanks for reading, anyhoo! XD
To be honest I didn't get the humour. Your song is still pretty cool, but to tell you the truth I got bored in the end. Don't blame yourself it's just me! I read it 2 days after I did the first time to try to understand what you meant. Seems like I sucked at it. But I think it's fun for the people that get about what you are writing about.