i am, I am.

Hello! I absolutely love the voice in this poem. It's very consistent and strong, and the confident tone really accentuates the theme of the poem. I like the repetition of "who am I?" at the end of the poem, though I'd utilize that more towards the beginning too! I'm not sure how to critique this poem because I think it's already really powerful. The passion of this piece really shows, and it creates something powerful. I love the use of creative and strong language here; I think it really sets this piece apart from others and makes a memorable impact. Nice job on it!

Hey,

Usually I'm not particularly interested in poetry, but I found this poem extremely unique and interesting to read...so, I thought I'd give it a review .

To start off with I wanted to talk about your structure. I'm guessing that '/' means new line, right? Or are you putting the '/' in to create a new poetic effect? Because if you are, it kind of works too. Especially when you put '-I am wonderwoman and superman/risen angel and fallen demon/lacerated heart and empty cavity/ I am fullness and I am also emptiness/ I am hurricane and I am drizzle'...showing the alternating identities of this persona. I like that.

I also like the structure when you use enjambment, in the circumstance of '-when i discovered the cabbage kinfe/and again the bacon knife and again/the chicken knife,/i unbecame bitch and whore and honey and lover and adored.'... I thought this was cool because it speeds up the pace of the poem, adding to the dramatic effect of this scene.

Two things I think you could improve though would be the following two lines:

-'mold your flaws into gold'
(Mould* would be the correct spelling)

- 'I am the queen mother'
(I didn't particularly understand what this line was trying to show and I feel that rewording it could create a more hyperbolic, powerful feeling).


'black and blue was not my skin tone/that father did not pick cotton in mississipi'
^Absolutely loved these lines by the way, very striking.


'I wish to know you.'

^ Love the ending too, how you direct the reader is also really powerful, and it definitely metaphorically conveys the power which the persona is now feeling after breaking free from feeling like a slave.


Overall, as I say, I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope to read more from you soon! Just thought I'd say too, I've just written an article/blog on Medium, it would mean a lot if you read it or gave it a like!

Thank you
https://medium.com/@laurenhaughey6/the- ... 71deee9b32

Okay. I write this review as someone who has hosted a poetry slam and tried writing spoken word. (Though admittedly I'm bad at it.)

First of all, please put a language label of 16+ atleast, on this work.

Now to the review.

1.This theme for spoken word is common, and the problem with reading and judging a spoken word poem is the fact that so much of it depends on the performance. However, there IS a minimum threshold of quality, of cadence, of imagery, and handling of topics (especially this one) that lets one know whether a poem would be good or not if it were to be performed by a good performer. Be aware, that I'm not talking of "OH SNAP" punch lines that make the audience click their fingers, but rather those that might sometimes take time to sink in, but then leave a lasting impression.
This spoken word manages to clear that threshold. The first half of this work is riveting. The story, the descriptions, all great. But it becomes more loose and unfocussed in the second half (again, depends on the performer and the performance)

2. Overall, you were consistent more or less with building a narrative of an abused ,tired, exploited yet proud and strong black woman's story, and I liked the skillful handling of acute descriptions of behaviour and appearance and interactions, of the woman and her abuser.
This consistency was broken in the end, in my opinion, with the last line where there might have been some pressure to end on a high, with a snazzy punch line. Why would the narrator wish to know "you", the supposed abuser? Realistically and hopefully that person should cut out the toxicity from their life, especially on realizing that the truth and their own worth.

3. I think the repetition of " I am" throughout the poem is a smart thing to do. What I would've liked for a more consistent narrative was perhaps some of " I was" or "I will be". That would give A sense of passing of time, of changing views yet unchanging person. That would also be a good set-up for a punch line if used sparingly. (" I wished to know you").

4. There is a thick line between dramatic and being maudlin & faux self-effacing, especially for spoken word. And though that line can be blurred by a masterful performance, I think this spoken word crossed that, in parts. Sure, it is necessary and fundamental especially for victims to have self worth and a positive self image, but descriptions after descriptions, though wonderful by themselves ( you're good at this part), when clumped together with the same "I am" , got me a bit bored to be honest. Every phrase should either add more necessary dimension or advance the narrative.

5. I was on the fence regarding the usage of the N word and other profanities, but given the tone and theme, that can be excused for a good performance.

6.All in all, this was a good poem, though it certainly could be better for reasons pointed out above. This is entirely my opinion though, since spoken words often have specific audiences who would identify with this more.

Keep writing!