Young Writers Society

This was a nice poem with an interesting plot twist!

Since there were so many complaints about the lack of pauses (which wasn't my fault) I decided to add the slashes and the roman numerals to indicate that there should be a pause here and there.

Legacy here for a review.

I really liked the story it told. Some of the lines were hard to read because of the accent you chose to write in. I liked the accent, but it isn't what I'm used to (which doesn't make the accent a bad thing, just remember that it will be harder for some people to understand).

I loved the title, but the title is kinda misleading because you didn't mention anything about flowers in the poem.

The plot twist at the end made me read it again (good job). Overall, good job with the poem but like others have said, punctuation would be helpful. I read through this too quickly because the punctuation didn't make me stop for a minute when pauses would help with communicating the story better.

Hey so, I don't usually review poetry, but I think it's time I learn how to do it properly. Just to warn you that this review might be a bit overly-formulaic til I figure out what I'm doing.

First impressions: I think this is an interesting message to get across and I can feel the emotion in it because I feel like I can imagine your character. It also felt like a bit of a blur though.

Flow: You made good use of long lines when your speaker went off on tangents because their mind was running away from them. This confused me a little, but I could tell the speaker was confused too, so it makes sense for that to be what's supposed to happen.

Structure: What I meant by a blur is that when I reflect on this poem I see a couple of different stages. I think because it all happened so fast, the seeing the girl and the relationship happening and the relationship collapsing would make sense as a blur. But I think the bit at the end where your speaker comes to their epiphany would be more impactful if it was separated out a bit. It would be the structure breaking away, as well as them. Then of course, you could separate the last two lines as well, to give them even more impact, and turn the twist on its head.

Clichés and originality: I liked the use of the word "aberration". It sounds really savage and abnormal, which is a really vivid way to think of someone self-harming, which is what I assume this was about. The "tug o' war" bit could maybe be counted as a cliché though. The title is really cool though. Although it would be nice to see that a bit more in the poem itself.

Overall originality (? I will refine these categories): I think this is very original in what it says. The idea that we feel happy about bad things happening to people we don't like is something I'm sure a lot of us feel guilty about. I recently found out my bully from school is going to jail, and I really don't want to be happy about it, but a part of me can't stop being smug. I'm not sure if it's in dialect for a reason but if it is you might want to make that clearer. If not, fair enough, lots of people write in their dialects.

Could you do me a favour and give me some feedback on this review? I really want to git gud at reviewing poetry

Hope this helps,
Biscuits

Hey there Swavvy123 and greetings from the After Watch shift. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

The serious business things
1. So first things that we've got to talk about is punctuation and stanzas. When I first pulled up this work, the first thought that came to mind, was about how this was just one long wall of text with nothing to separate it. I really think that adding some stanzas would behoove you, in the manner of your own examination for editing and a way of attracting some more attention.

2. And in relation to stanzas, the inconsistent lengths of the lines is a bit bothering as well, though this isn't usually something that I would bring up. I'm only really mentioning it because it effects the flow of your poem and the organization of content, both things I make a point to mention. The flow sort of just hangs and gets stuck at the end of long lines, making it kind of hard for the reader to move past those things.

3. Punctuation would also be a useful thing to implement to help out a bit with the flow and also relates a bit to stanzas and separating out ideas. No matter how you refer to the grammar rules of poetry, you will occasionally need some commas here and there to help move the ideas along. I'd go with the regular format of definite periods at the end of stanzas (if you go that way but really to find good break spots, you have to make imaginary stanza breaks).

The Actual Content
The previous reviewer already went a bit into this and I think you'll also have a few more reviews on this before the night is done. In my limited poetry experience, I'm not going to say much more than this bounces around a bit too much. It's changing scenery every few lines and it's also changing its mood and style, something that just kept on tripping me up. The repetition is also a bit too much in some spots. It just doesn't give off enough emotion or emphasis to make it worth your while. It does have the nice twist at the end, that gave this poem a few redeeming qualities in my mind.

Well that's really all I've got to say for tonight. If you want to talk about this review, just shoot me a pm.
Have a nice day.
~Lady Lizz

Hey there! This poem caught my eye so I thought I'd read and review it!

One of my favorite lines was:

it doesn’t matter anyway

you heard there was an accident on 49th street

and they was in it

and you feel its gotta be a mistake right and you run back to them and bury yourself in they scent

and you feel its gotta be a mistake, right?

so you run back to them and bury yourself in they scent