z

Young Writers Society



Line of Sight

by SwallowedSun


“How many times do I have to say, Stop levitating the freaking lamp!” Paolo banged his head against the desk, trying to ignore the fact that a 30 centimetre tall fairy sat on top of his head.

“Boss –”

“And stop calling me Boss!” Paolo rubbed his face, and looked at the fairy.Why did this have to happen? I had done everything, everything that the book,Introduction to Summoning, instructed me to do! Calm down, visualize the character’s looks and personality, and say the spell, I had done all of it!

“But,you’re my Boss…” She yelled on top of his head. “And every good follower should have respect to their Boss, Boss-sir”

“Do me a favour and bugger off somewhere, fairy.”Where the hell did I go wrong! Where is the real Francesca I wanted! Where?

“B-But why? Can’t we just play a game together like a little hide and seek?”

“No.”How old is she, four? Grow up, kid.

“Cooking and drawing….?”

“Fairy…” Paolo sighed. “Can you do something, anything that doesn’t involve me, annoying me or being near me!”

“But you’ll be lonely.” She laughed. “And I don’t want that to happen to my boss! Smile and brighten up! Smile!!”

“I don’t want to lighten up, and I don’t” Paolo pressed his thumb against his forehead. “…in all my life like fairies!”

“Then why did you summon me?”

Paolo sighed. “That was a bad accident I don’t want to remember.”

“Tell me! I love good stories!!”

“Fairy…”

“Are you going to read me a bed time tale?”

“Shut up.” He sighed. “I’m trying to read here.”

“About what?” She leapt from his head and landed between the pages.Can she just leave me alone?!“Are you reading about the creation of the International Summoning Institution in chapter three? How about those fads in summoning history, boss? Oh, Oh, I know, you’re reading about customizations, are you?”

“H-huh…what?”

“You read most of this right?” She laughed. “For someone who managed to summon me in great detail, there’s no way you skipped most of these. That would be too stupid.”

“Y-yeah…I read those. D-don’t worry.”

“So can you customize me, please, pretty please?”

“Customize?”

“It’s in chapter seven, you silly. It says you can customize almost anything to the summon like a pair of shoes, a new face, new hair colour, even food. So can I ask if you can make me some Panda Berries.”

“No.”This is getting too weird.

“But Boss!!” The fairy placed both hands under her chin, tilted her head down and looked up at Paolo. “I. WANT.PANDA.BERRIES.”

“I.DON’T. WANT. TO! Just give it up.”

Paolo pulled back his hair, and watched the fairy walked to the end of the book and flicked through the pages one by one. He wondered if he could squash the fairy at this instant. It would be nice if she was gone. This room had felt enough noise for one day. Plus, he could summon Francesca again, and this time, there would be no distraction.

For now however, Paolo just stood up and let fairy read the book. What’s the worst, it can do? She can’t memorise all of that. They don’t even have a brain. He stretched his arms, and faced the dozen photographs of Francesca on the wall. There she was looking calm, and charming as ever.

She was the kind of girl who was happily engrossed to her costumes, and her books, who only talk whenever she heard someone saying Poe or Lolita. The fairy had none of it, not even a speck of her personality reminded Paolo of Francesca. Sure, he had successfully managed to summon a character at his first try. Sure, the fairy had the exact looks as the real but the fact is, it was not the same. This was not Francesca! She will never be her!

“Boss! Boss!” He looked at her. “Are you interested in editing wonderful me?”

That took him by surprise. Paolo looked at the photographs.Is it possible to change this brat to the actual Francesca? Can I really now have the girl and not this fake copy? Can I?

“…oh, and Boss, if you want, can you also give me Panda Berr–”

Paolo smirked. “I get it, fairy…you want me to edit you.”

“You will…” Her eyes sparkled. “…with all the colours of the world!!”

“Just show me the page, and I’ll… try my best.”

“Roger!” She saluted, and flicked through the pages with a wave of her finger. Paolo gazed past chapter ten that focused on the limitations of character’s abilities, past the ethical discussions in chapter eleven, and on character psychology at chapter twelve. It was only after Francesca clapped her hands that he found what he was searching.

It was on the first page of chapter thirteen,customizations and outfits for characters. The paragraph reads:

To edit, make sure you get proper consent from the character since a character would interfere with the editing if he or she was forced. Second, allow the character to fall under your line of sight. Repeat the three steps. Failure to consent will result to a ninety per cent probability that the edit will fail

“This is it?” He scratched his temple.

“Yes, sir!” She saluted again.

You joking? Paolo leaned his head forward. That was it? Was it just a page?! He looked at the book. This wasn’t right. Was it missing a page? Was the book second-hand, and was made to look brand new? Does this mean that he was ripped-off?

“Is this the only part in the book that talks about editing?” He pressed his palm against the page.

“Don’t you trust me?” She winked. “I would never do anything to trick you, Boss.”

Paolo leaned his head in front of her. “And how much do you trust me?”

“I trust you with my whole heart!” She tapped his nose.

As if you have a heart,Paolo rolled his eyes before he stared at a photo of Francesca. If only it was her at this moment. It would have been the best day of his life!What did I do to deserve this fate? Why was I stuck with a fake? Why can’t it be the real girl!

He gulped. No matter,if I do this edit-thing, the fairy talked about, then I can have my Francesca, and my dream will come true!

“Whatever,” he forced a smile. “I’ll edit you.”

“Yay!” She jumped and flew around the table. “You don’t know how much you made me happy, Boss! I always wanted to taste Panda berry?’

“What the hell are Panda Berries anyway?”

The fairy giggled. “Well, they’re black and white with small ears at the sides, they taste like chocolates and, oh…when you eat them, you sparkle.”

“Right….”

“Really…really, really?”

Paolo turned the fairy around. “Yes, really! Now close your eyes let me edit you! This won’t last a minute..”

“Can you make it a minute and a half?”

“Fine…”

“How about a two minutes?” She clasped her hands. “Those Panda Berries need to be in full detail… IN. FULL. DETAIL.”

“Alright, alright, already…Just shut up for once!”

“Now close your eyes.” She paused. “And repeat the three steps!”

Whatever, I’m not as gullible as you fairy. I’m the one who’s getting treat not you. Oh boy, oh boy, real Francesca…here I come!

Paolo looked each photos on the wall before he shut his eyes and began the process. Calm down, visualize the character’s looks and personality,he did all of it just as he recalled. This was no sweat. Francesca was close.

“And when you’re ready, say the magic words, ‘for the Summoner, transform!!’”

Just shut up, fairy. You won’t be having the last laugh around here. Guess I’ll have to say my goodbyes…See ya.Paolo clapped his hand, and with a loud voice, he uttered:

“For the Summoner, Transform!”

He opened his eyes, and tried to look through the thick blue smoke around him.Was it a success?He nudged his head.I don’t remember this when I read the book. Maybe editing has a different effect than creating a Summon.Paolo took a few steps forwards, looking at what seemed like a building, three towers and a lamp post through the haze.Where am I? Am I outside?He moved forward trying to disperse the smoke away.

“Francesca?!” He called out. Another three steps and he found himself crashing down to the ground. Her body lay on top of his. Her hair was on his neck, and her chest was on his waist. He gasped. This isn’t no longer the tiny fairy but the real deal. He did it! Paolo actually did it! It was a success!

“Francesca?” He held her shoulders, smiling. “I’m so happy to see you!”

She laughed. “I’m happy to see you too, Boss?”

“W-What?” He blinked. “What!”

She tapped his nose. “I guess the book was right when it mentioned that only well-made characters are capable of doing this, and here I thought I was underdeveloped.”

“What the fuck did you do fairy!!” He tried to push her off.

“T-R-A-N-S-F-O-R-M-A-T-I-O-N,” She pushed him down. “It’s easy if both summon and summoner is concentrating on the three-step rule at the same time. Now I got myself my own fairy prince.”

“F-fairy?” He shifted his head to look at a pair of maroon-coloured wings behind him “I Idon’t want you! I want the real Francesca not a fake like you.”

“Awww…” She clapped. “you’re so cute when you’re in denial. You know what will make you look cute…Panda hoodies!”

“Turn me back now!! I mean it!!”

“No.” She winked.

“Fairy!” He glared at her. “Undo this stupid trick, and I’ll give as much of those stupid berries you wan–”

“There are three things you need to know, Paolo.” She squeezed his cheeks. “First, you must never, ever, ever make fun of Panda Berries! They’re very precious. Secondly, you’re not in control of the situation. I got the spell, as well as others that I had learned from the book. I can easily do anything to you at this moment. Thirdly…”

Francesca laughed, and pinched his cheeks.

“Always read the book.”


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878 Reviews


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Sat Dec 22, 2012 10:07 am
Demeter wrote a review...



Hi SwallowedSun! Welcome to YWS! :D

I'll do a couple of specific comments first and then give you my overall impression!


For now however, Paolo just stood up and let fairy read the book. What’s the worst, it can do? She can’t memorise all of that. They don’t even have a brain. He stretched his arms, and faced the dozen photographs of Francesca on the wall. There she was looking calm, and charming as ever.
---

Sure, the fairy had the exact looks as the real but the fact is, it was not the same. This was not Francesca! She will never be her!


In the first paragraph, you might want to italicise Paolo’s thoughts, like you’ve been doing before this. It makes it easier to read and understand. In the second paragraph, I’m not sure I like the “This was not Francesca! She will never be her!” Something like that would sound good, but maybe just one sentence, like “This creature would never be Francesca” or something. I think just one sentence would flow better.


It was only after Francesca clapped her hands that he found what he was searching.


Does Francesca mean the fairy? Is this a slip of the finger or is it intentional, to make it seem like he’s already thinking of the fairy as F?


I was a bit confused at all the points where the fairy was called Francesca. Since you do it at least twice, it must be intentional, but I think it should clarified a bit more so the reader's not confused! :)

I really liked this story. I loved how it started straight away with no explanations or excuses, just the story genuinely as it was. Overall, I liked a lot how you didn't do any explaining of the unusual situation. It would've only slowed the story down and a lot of the quirkiness would have disappeared.

It was cool to hear Francesca's name and realise that she was important to Paolo, but not her anything more about her. That made me want to read on and find out more.

This was almost fairytale-like with a lesson at the end! ;) Good job!


Demeter
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Sat Dec 22, 2012 8:29 am
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Lycando wrote a review...



Hey there S.S!

First of all, I like this story, it clearly shows both the characters of Paolo and the fairy, which is what every good story has.

I like the beginning part when the summoning had already happened and Paolo was already feel frustrated. The flow of the story was smooth enough and the dialogue was realistic too. It makes the fairy seem like a child alright.

My idea of how this story goes is that Paolo unsuccessfully tries to summon Francesca, and ends up summoning a fairy instead. When he tries to trick the fairy and edits her to becomes Francesca, he himself, who has not much knowledge of the book, gets tricked by the fairy and becomes one himself.

Now the background story isn't really clear. What's the book about? And how can Paolo summon a fairy, does he have special abilities? And who is Francesca? I suppose she would be his crush? More info about this is needed.

One thing that you didn't do however was to describe how Paolo himself and the fairy looked like. Francesca too. Did the fairy look like an actual kid since she was acting like one? Was Paolo an old man or a young man? Was he bald or did he have hair? Details, details, details. It's all important in a story, especially when describing a character.

"found himself crashing down to the ground. Her body lay on top of his"
In this case I think his body would be on hers instead since he crashed down? That part too was slightly confusing, about the three buildings, towers and lamp post. Was he somewhere else?

Overall a good read, I enjoy it, even though it's a short piece of work, good job!




SwallowedSun says...


Paolo doesn't special powers or anything. Its a world where anyone can summon a replica of anyone (real or not), and the book, "introduction to summoning shows that anyone can do it. But thanks for the comment.




Forever is composed of nows.
— Emily Dickenson