I was a part of your family
Your life, your routine
Now I’m not even a thought
Never to be seen
You’ve really done it this time
You pushed me away for good
I’m never coming back
Consider me gone
You said I was the only one who’s ever truly cared
But you still chose her over me
You lost your “best friend”
I lost the stress
You chose this outcome
Yet still blame me
I tried my best
You’ll never see
That you’re the problem
I’ll always be the bad guy
Why wouldn’t I be?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,082 Literary Works • 676,570 Reviews
Hey, Swaggy!! ♡ i just read ur beautiful work and i loved how u expressed the pain of losing a friendship and having the other friend blame u for it.
What stood out to me most was the contrast in those lines between "You lost your 'best friend'" and "I lost the stress." They show that the speaker feels relieved about the loss of their friendship........ but still betrayed by the other person's behavior. i think the poem is more interesting because of this contrast between the speaker's feelings of betrayal and relief........ its very effective how u portrayed the speaker as the one who's wronged in the relationship while still having them feel better now that it's over.
Its also effective how later in the poem u move from descriptions of the relationship to addressing what the other person has done. The way u described feeling used and replaced and the way u used the metaphor of the other person playing both sides really creates that sense of betrayal........ the ending is also great because it's just left with the idea..... of how it makes the speaker feel about how others see them.
The thing i would work on most would be varying the line lengths in a few places. It would add more interest to the poem in some of the lines. u can also work more with the description of how the speaker feels......... to better convey their feelings of betrayal.
Overall, it's a great poem that explores a realistic issue for many people with friendships and betrayal. Lovely work!♡
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
Wowwww this one I feel so strongly. I can 100% relate to this poem and I think that's what makes it so strong. I had a friend exactly like this growing up and it broke me to bits. So seeing a poem about this really hits that sadness from that inside of me. I think the best poems are the ones that can relate to the most amount of people and this one is definitely relatable to a lot of people I think.
Let me now go into more detail about the poem itself, the good and the bad. We'll start with the good because why not.
- I LOVEEE the flow on these lines. It's so easy to read. I love these lines :
They flow so naturally, it's really good!! I love how the last word of both stanza's (routine, seen) are close enough in syllables to just make it seem like it rhymes (even when it doesn't)!
- As I mentioned earlier the poem is super relatable. I feel like no matter who you are, you have dealt with a close friend pushing you away and this poem describes that perfectly. This poem is really special to me and stuff I've gone through. It's definitely a skill itself to make a good poem AND make it relatable so good job!
Now onto the parts that could be improved (in my opinion! Remember poems are all subjective)
- I think something that this poems is lacking is the feeling behind it. I love the idea and the relatability behind it but what did you feel about this friendship breakup. I think the reason this draws emotion from me is because I've dealt with it so I'm applying my own emotions to this poem but I have no idea how you felt.
- The final piece of advice I have is about the last two lines :
While I love this final line as a punch basically it lacks a little bit of flow that's used in the rest of the poem. I feel like the final line is cut short from the rest of the poem. I feel like there needs to be another word in the final line to make it flow better. For example, "So in your eyes I'm the bad guy, it's always seemed like I'm in the wrong, and that's all I'll ever be."
Still an incredible poem and I hope your friends appreciate you now :> I can't wait to see more from you.
- Sullen