Published May 29, 2010
In the morning when i wake uo im thinking of you,
I think about the times we've had and what we've
Been through, happiness was automatic we did it
Slow and sweet in your bedroom is where I would
Creep, throughout the night I lie awake with you
In my arms, your body beautiful and sexy as can be,
Like an angel sent down from god just for me,
But it always seems to turn out different cant
Let go I have to keep trying or just say no,
Life is different in mysterious ways but its
Life and I guess things happen that way. At
Night as I fall asleep I’m thinking of you,
That might just be life and I’m a have to get through.
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141,478 Literary Works • 674,502 Reviews
Really good poem! I see the way you've structured it, you're trying to make one continuous paragraph instead of breaking it down, which is really good, yet, not so well sounding at times:
It's probably just me but I don't think this sounds right. I can't put my finger on WHY, but just doesn't sound right. :/
Yet, nice poem! Keep on writing.
(p.s: Due to certain 'terms' used in the poem, I deem you should really put an age rating on it. Make sure to put this into consideration next time)
This was a lovely read I really felt it was very emotive and you used great imagery- keep it up well done.
Just a nit pick...
I think you mean "In the morning when I wake up I'm"
There were a few more silly mistake just read over it again i suggest
Overall I did really enjoy it the eternal rhymes were impressive.
Keep it up!
Nicoke x