PrologueIt was a dark and stormy night. An Oblivion Rip had just opened, leaving two figures at the top of the tallest mountain in all of South Cloud Isles. Peace was not possible. Lighting flashed and thunder roared as the rain fell down in buckets.
"Finally, Hedwig!" Crowed the first figure, "We are home!"
The second, referred to as Hedwig, didn't seem to excited about their homecoming. In fact, she almost looked like she would rather be back in Oblivion than back home. “Yep.” Hedwig seemed very unenthusiastic.
“You've got to be more excited! What will lift your spirits?” The first figure asked, desperate.
Hedwig refused to answer and asked a question of her own, “I bet you've come up with a new and 'better' plan to take over Cloud Isles, right?”
“You are correct.” Figure One smirked, “You'd find that plotting is a good and interesting past time if you're in Oblivion for seven years with nothing to do. You never get bored.”
“For you...” Mumbled Hedwig. At that, Figure One snorted and practically dragged Hedwig through a hidden door and into the mountain...most likely up to no good.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
First of all, you have got to name figure one. I don't know if this is intentional or unintentional, but I personally feel that this makes it a bit vague and problematic for me to read it. Secondly, the formatting. That was highly inconvenient tho never mind. Let's get to the story.
This was a great prologue I think. It creates a sense of mystery about what id going to happen next. I have just a bit of interpretation about your characters:
Hedwig: He seems very interested to be back home and a cheerful person, though I might be very wrong at saying this... I have just read a few lines. He seems bored at the other person's plans. He shows no interest in them.
The other person: the person seems bored at arriving home. Perhaps, there was some history that makes the person reluctant to come home— a history related with that home. Or maybe the person was more interested in the place where he used to stay for some reasons. And he also keeps on doing plans about something which never comes out to be successful.
I really like the sense of mystery that is being created in these few lines. I liked your writing style and also the ending— perhaps upto no good. This will make the reader, at least me to turn the pages if it were the book.
Overall, a very good work. I will be reading the 1st chapter and review that. Keep writing. Stay safe and stay happy.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy, first thing I noticed is that the characters are simply called figure one and figure two, I don't know if those are placeholder names that are being put there until you come up with proper names for them or if perhaps this being a prologue you're simply trying to hide the names, but well, it just sounds a little awkward there.
And well, it appears these folks are all getting together here to form some form of plan to take over this place here, and judging from the reaction of Hedwig there, its potentially something they've already tried to do and failed several times. At any rate, it seems just like one of those jolly crews of villains that never seem to be able to do anything right.
Well at any rate I do sense a bit of camaraderie among these three despite Hedwig appearing to be less than thrilled with most of what's going on there. And well, that's usually a pretty neat thing to see in a story right at the very beginning.
And of course this kind of talk pairing together with the fact that the title seems to be mentioning guardians of something is definitely an interesting thing to consider in light of these folks attempting to be doing an attack on or taking control of someplace...so all in all, a pretty intriguing prologue that you've got here. This is sounding like a story that I would potentially read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there, yizhongt to give a review.
Let's start with the positive aspects of your story. Well this was a nicely written prologue, though it probably could be a tad bit longer. I felt it was too short, but that's just me wanting to know more. I'm interested to know what your story holds. Your use of language is good and I can't seem to find any spelling mistakes or grammatical error.
Now, to the negative. The formatting of the story is just bad. I don't know why is it that we have to scroll to the right to read it. Is it a formatting error on your end? Honestly, if this was a longer piece and you had formatting like that, I would have given up half way through it because its very hard to follow due to the fact that you have to scroll right and then scroll back to the left to read. It will just make readers lose interest or even concentration for that matter.
You have a promising story here, just fix the formatting error and it'll be off to a flying start. Keep on writing !! Cheers !!
Thanks! The formatting thing was just an accidental error. Anyway, with the prologue being a little too short, they will find out more soon. The purpose of the prologue is just to introduce the reader to the bad guy, not his plan or anything. I will be sure to uncover more details as the story goes on. The first draft of the first chapter is out by the way. Check it out if you have time!
This is good. It drew me in from the minute I started reading it. I am very anxious to read more.
I was surprised when you mentioned Hedwig being a girl, but its unique, and I like that.
The other figure is very interesting and I seriously want to know more about them.
Post more soon so I don't have to die of anticipation!
I am curious to learn more about Oblivion, it seems dark and gloomy and horrendous. I am excited to see what it is actually like!
I wish you luck and that you continue with this intriguing piece!
Continue Writing!
- Cody
Thanks! I just posted the first draft of the first chapter today. It gives a short description of Oblivion. Anyway, Oblivion is mentioned most in my combine story, combining all my fictional worlds. It takes place in Oblivion and Sub-Oblivion. I haven't gotten to that yet and don't think I will for a while though. sorry...