Esterace - Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy....as far as prologue go, this one is certainly very attention grabby here...I do love the vibes that this is giving off so far...the world this is set in especially seems like it would make for a pretty cool setting. At any rate, a few more details down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I awoke to the feel of water against my face. I lifted my head, and looked around. I was in a concrete room, with a window and a steel door on one side. Next to me was an electric chair, with sparks flying off the top. I got up and walked over to the window. The glass was darkened, making it hard to see through to the other side.

On the other side of the window, there was the silhouettes of four men. One operating a control panel, most likely for the door and the chair. Behind him stood two men with guns. In between them was a man with his arms crossed.

The man from the middle walked up to the window, and peered in at me. He then turned to the man operating the control panel. The control panel guy shook his head, and pushed a button on the panel. The steel door opened, and the two men with guns came out. Once they went through the door, I got a good look at their guns and uniforms. They both had old fashioned 2015 shotguns and a dark red uniform with a greenish-brown cuff.

They were revolutionaries. Then I remembered how I got here, and it occurred to me that I likely didn’t have much longer to live. I spread out my arms, and the two men put down their guns and walked over to grab me.

They reached for my arms. Just as they were about to grab me, I ducked down and rolled around them, and grabbed one of the shotguns. It was about to get interesting.

Hi there, exciting start you have here. Definitely a tense situation, and good tension is what keeps me reading!

For a prologue, the ending felt abrupt to me. It's almost like a trailer or teaser. My understanding of prologues is that they generally set up something that's separated from the main plot by time or space, and not easily integrated with the rest of the story but still essential information. At first I thought this sounded more like a first chapter, but I saw your comment below about the opening chapters being a lead-up to this moment. My opinion on this is to kill your darlings, as they say. Personally, I get really annoyed when tv shows have this exciting scene in the teaser, like a chase or something, then immediately go back in time like "48 hours earlier." It feels formulaic and overused to me, these days. I get all excited and invested in the scene, then it turns out that's not where the story starts.

I was a little curious about the first sentence. I thought a guard had splashed water on the character's face, but I don't think it's ever fully explained. Similarly I wonder why there are sparks flying off the electric chair--he woke up in a prison cell with this chair in it (turned on), but he's not in the chair, or shackled/strapped/restrained in anyway. I'm curious what all this means, but also a little confused.

The biggest thing that stood out to me was that even though this is first person, we don't get much of a sense of the character's thoughts. To me, that's the biggest advantage of first person--you can have all sorts of commentary in the narrative and fill it with the character's personality. Here, I felt like I didn't really know what the character was feeling or experiencing; it was more of an objective description of what he's seeing most of the time. I'd like to know if he's afraid, or if he has lots of training that kicks in, or what. Something of his background and personality to show why this story is about him, and what makes him different to another guy in the same situation.

Thanks for sharing! I'll check out ch1 next. Cheers!

Hi again, reading your prologue after chapter one because I'm a hipster.

A prologue can only be judged in light of the rest of the novel, in my opinion. This is because they convey something necessary to know that couldn't otherwise be conveyed, for one reason or another. Is this information necessary to the story, and can it not be conveyed in any other way (such as a flashback, direct or indirect speech etc)? If it meets these criteria than by all means, use a prologue. If this could be re-presented at any other point in the story, I would do away with it. Reading a prologue and then having chapter one totally disconnected generally makes me upset.

This is a really awesome introduction! There are a lot of questions and i'm intrigued.

That being said, you may want to add some commentary. The narrator kind of just states what's happening, and we never hear his/her thoughts. One of the best things about first person narration is that you get into the head of the character, hear their thoughts, their emotions, their opinions and their voice. It makes whatever you're writing about more intimate, and the reader bonds to the writer.

This is an intense scene, yeah? The narrator has to fight for their life? You can build the tension and realism by having the character panic or express fear.

It may have been intentional that the character doesn't express their emotions for character development, in which case, good job! You've really convinced me.

I hope I didn't offend you or anything. This sounds really interesting, like a kick-ass action story, and I'll definitely be reading more.

Hey SuperAnimalCrossing! (cool name)

First of all, I would like to thank you for writing this prologue. I really wanted to review something like this. I love your idea! I mean every teenager wants to be in a real-life situation like that!

But the only thing that I would like to tell you is that, this is supposed to be a prologue and I think you should not give away too much of the details. Just the most interesting and the sentences that create the suspense. This will make the reader want to read your whole book(story), just to find answers to those suspense's.

And also try not to give too much of the descriptions, because it is supposed to be just a preview.

I see that your story is hints that it is set in the future. But that's what makes it more interesting. By the way, just an idea, I am big fan of weapons and guns. I just hope your "interesting" part involves a lot of good sci-fi action. But totally up to you.

Looking forward to reading your whole book(story). By the way, you might find me lingering here for quite some time.

P.S did I mention that I love your title!

That's all for now. Good luck for your story. Bye


-Kay