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The Adventures of Mary Gibbs Ch2

by Sunshine1113


**Sorry it took me so long to post the next chapter. I was uber busy and kind of forgot about it. So here is the next chapter, feel free to review it to death.**

POV: James P. “Sulley” Sullivan

Year: 4556

I fell in love with this little human girl. I know, “humans are dangerous”. They aren’t though. After spending a week with Boo, the little human girl who followed me into the Monster World, I see them in a new light. My entire life I was lead to believe that humans are toxic and a single touch could kill you. Maybe that law was in place so monsters wouldn’t have their hearts broken. You share a special bond with them and you love them. Children grow up and forget about you.

Boo forever changed my life. She helped me to put an end to the energy crisis and showed me that laughter was more powerful than screams. She took me on an adventure that changed my life.

Mikey had put together Boo’s door after it made it through the door shredder. I used to visit her almost every day for long time. Then one day I went through Boo’s door and she wasn’t there. The room was empty; everything of Boo’s was gone.

I spent years trying to find a door that would lead me back to Boo. I went through hundreds of doors, and not a single one lead to Boo. I even started to make my own doors in an attempt to find her. I never did find her.

I went crazy looking for her, it was an obsession. Mikey soon took full control over Monster’s Inc. I spent my days in the Door Testing room, never stopping for a moment. One day Mikey came in and told me, “Sulley, I’m sorry to do this to you Pal.” and he took me away from the Testing Room.

Mikey sent me away. He worried for my health, I had gone insane looking for Boo, and I was an old monster. One day he sent me to this human-like house. Little Mikey, Mikey’s bear that Boo loved, was on an old and dusty table with a note attached to it.

Dear Kitty,

I spent years looking for you. I spent my entire youth trying to find you. I drove my parent’s crazy and my entire family fortune looking for my Kitty. I have discovered the secret of the doors. They are magical time and teleportation portals. I once found a door back to you, but I was too late. I had traveled too far into the future and you were gone Kitty. It took me a little while longer to find a door that lead back here, but you wouldn’t have known me; you were still in college. I found this mobile home that seems to stand the test of time, and I left this note for you. I left a note for Mikey to tell him to send you here. I want you to know Kitty, I love you and that I never stopped looking for you and I never will stop looking for you. I will find you one day.

Love,

Boo xoxo

I hugged the note to my chest. "I love you too, Boo." I managed to choke out in a whisper, holding back tears. I sat down on the dirty floor and bawled until I had no tears left.


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324 Reviews


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Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:31 am
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Evander wrote a review...



Hello!

Raven here to review as requested!

I'm not that sure how to go about reviewing this. As I understand, this is supposed to be a chapter that sparks something in the reader, to make them upset or feel bad for the character. I must exclaim, I certainly feel sorry for Sulley. Spending years trying to find the person you love most, then suddenly, they're not there.

Though, even though this chapter in wonderful and informative, it lacks something. Description. We have plenty of emotion, yes there is that. However, (this is coming from some who has never seen Monsters Inc. or Monsters University) as the reader I can't see anything. Yes, the empty room is there, yes the door went through the shredder. My question is, what did it look like? What state was the door in after it was ripped? Did the door ever look the same? Was there cobwebs in the room because of the emptiness? Was it dusty or clean? As the reader we need to know what it looks like. Regardless of whether it is fanfiction or not.

Hm... A romance between a human and a monster... Interesting. I wonder how this will turn out. (I also really want to know if Boo ever finds Sulley again. Or they connect somehow.)

The law was also rightly made. Sulley did get his heart broken. Maybe, you can go in depth why the law was made. Find some history on that. Who exactly got their heart broken and what happened to them? That is something you can make into... a subplot, perhaps.

I will follow your story and hope you keep on writing!

(PS. Sorry this review is so short, I didn't have much to say.)

Rae,




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Sat Aug 23, 2014 5:16 am
Lucia wrote a review...



Verrrrry interesting....... ;) I noticed that you introduced some more new ideas, namely, actual love between Boo and Sully? Wow... I won't say I didn't see that one coming at all; considering your previous chapter, I knew what you were capable of. :)

Okay, moving on.... I was noticing that the passage of time is rather abrupt. You seemed to jump from one thing straight to the next. I would suggest making it flow instead of jump. Try adding feelings to cushion the jumps a little. (Ex. "I used to visit her almost every day for long time. Then one day I went through Boo’s door and she wasn't there." This could be cushioned a little by including what they did and how they felt during his visits.)
Boo's letter... how do I describe this? It seemed like you were in a hurry to explain her absence as well as to introduce seemingly random, new concepts. (Such as.... a magical time-withstanding mobile home?) I had to read it twice to catch everything. I suggest you space these things out, and give each new concept time to sink in.

The chapter needs a bit of polishing, specifically of missing punctuation and run-on sentences, but that, at the moment, is of no consequence.
I advise you to think about where you want to introduce things, and to make sure that they don't all pop up at once.

Good job so far!
I can see, you're certainly going to take this story to new bounds. I can't wait to see what you write next!
Keep writing!




Sunshine1113 says...


Thanks for the review! I was having some difficulty with this chapter. I will attempt to try to smooth things out. :)




Anne felt that life was really not worth living without puffed sleeves.
— L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables